Page 76 of Axe-identally Married
Rolling my eyes playfully, I sipped my coffee. “Since you broke the rules first, I guess I’ll give you your present.”
Straightening, he clapped. “I knew I wasn’t the only one.”
I was already regretting mentioning it. What if he was insulted by what I’d chosen?
“You may hate it,” I hedged, grabbing the folder out of my work bag. Swallowing past the lump in my throat, I shuffled across the room and held out a manilla envelope. “And I’m not trying to pressure you.”
He took the envelope and carefully pulled out the glossy brochures.
Brows furrowed, he peered up at me. “Public policy and administration?”
I nodded. “I made some calls to friends who work in the UMaine system. It’s an excellent program, and given the incredible work you’ve done in town, I thought it would be a great fit.”
His eyes widened as he flipped through the pages. I’d taken the liberty of requesting information about several degree programs. He’d mentioned wanting to finish his education more than once, but he’d never been able to articulate a specific direction.
Was I overstepping? Probably. Especially in light of the emotional distance I was trying to maintain. But he was so smart and capable, and I needed him to see that.
“Thank you,” he murmured. “I’ve been thinking about it for so long. I feel stuck. Who goes back to school at thirty? I left college for the NHL draft, and to go back a failure…?” He ducked his head.
“You’re not going back a failure. And lots of people have to take time off and come back. I think it’s brave.”
“I don’t want to waste my time or my money,” he muttered to his lap. “I don’t want to only check a box. I want to really learn things, develop a career path. Find meaning in my life and make a difference.”
My heart clenched at the uncertainty in his tone. God. Why couldn’t he see how incredible he was? “Then you are the perfect candidate. When you’re ready, you will crush it.”
He squeezed his eyes shut and grimaced, almost as if he was in pain. “Thank you,” he said finally. “This means a lot.”
I smiled, though a tinge of unease trickled through me. Had I come off like some kind of educational snob? God, I hoped not. I didn’t care about degrees. I wanted to help him find the motivation to take the next step.
He was physically imposing, which many conflated with confidence, but living with Cole every day had shown me that was not the case. He worried and obsessed, and he second-guessed and constantly talked negatively about himself.
If I could do one thing right as a wife, I hoped it would be helping him find his confidence.
“Okay. Get up,” he said suddenly. “I have one more thing for you.”
“No,” I protested, clasping my hands in my lap. “You already made me something.”
“It’s nothing,” he said as he hauled himself off the couch. “It isn’t even a real gift. Just put your coat on. I promise.”
I blinked at him. What? I was still wearing pajamas. But he was already putting his puffy jacket on over his bare chest. “It’ll only take a minute.”
Though I grumbled, I obeyed, slipping my feet into my boots and shrugging on my coat.
At least the sun was shining. The trees were covered in a layer of snow, glistening in the bright light of day. The air was crisp, which helped to calm my racing nerves.
Nerves that hadn’t settled in weeks. Day in and day out, I was living with this man, slowly getting to know him. And yet, despite our promises of radical honesty, so much had gone unsaid and unsettled.
He led the way down the path toward the lake. In the daylight, it was easy to navigate, and the bare trees allowed the glistening blue water to peek through the landscape.
“Why are we headed down here?” I asked, shivering as a gust of wind hit me.
He turned and raised one eyebrow, which, in his Santa hat, was especially ridiculous, but didn’t answer my question.
When we hit the clearing, an object on the rocky ledge came into view.
It was a large bucket. Or a small trash can. With a lid.
“Take a look,” Cole said as we approached it.
