Page 20 of Axe Backwards
Grinning, Vic shook her head. “I should take a photo and post it to Instagram. We’ll go viral.”
I rolled my eyes. Her attention made me feel slightly shy and embarrassed. And those were not sensations I normally experienced.
We settled on the couch and watchedSchitt’s Creek, which Jude had originally come over to force me to start. We laughed through the first two episodes, and I successfully demonstrated how I could eat a double cheeseburger without dropping so much as a dollop of ketchup on Tess’s head.
“So,” she said. She loaded the dishwasher while I walked around with an almost asleep Tess. “I propose shifts. I’ll take first watch, and you can go downstairs and sleep in my bed. It’s a hell of a lot more comfortable than the couch.”
“No need. I have a bed.”
“An ancient twin with a threadbare blanket.” She scoffed. “I saw the closet you call a bedroom while I was here last night. There’s no way you can’t hold your arms out and touch both walls at the same time. And I bet your feet hang off the end.”
She was right, of course, but the apartment was temporary. A place to land while we figured things out.
“I have a king-size bed with a memory foam mattress and high thread-count sheets,” she said. “Did the laundry this morning. I’ll give you a few hours before I have to crash.”
No. I couldn’t impose more than I had. And sleeping in her bed? We were neighbors who really didn’t know each other, and that was far too intimate.
Even as I mentally rejected the idea, exhaustion settled deep in my bones. Tess was still acting like her crib was an active volcano, and I wasn’t sure when I’d get another offer this good.
“I’ll think about it.” I bounced gently as I walked. “But first, I want to watch another episode.”
With a hum, she looked at her watch. “Okay. One more.”
Around eleven, Vic shoved her keys at me. “Don’t judge me for the mess, but my bed is really comfortable. And you look like shit.”
If I had any energy at all, I’d be offended by the comment. Sure, I missed the person I used to be, but I couldn’t imagine my life without my little bean. I wouldn’t trade the days I spent caring for her for anything.
It was the paradox of parenthood, I supposed.
The first-floor apartment was warm and inviting and a tiny bit chaotic, just like its inhabitant. One wall was covered in overflowing bookcases and an oversized chair. The kitchen appliances were colorful, and the walls were covered in pretty photographs. Everything had a place. I wasn’t sure what she thought she had to apologize for.
I locked the door and placed the keys on the hook beside it, then toed off my shoes. Like my apartment, the main bedroom was off the living room. As she’d promised, when I entered, I was greeted by a king-size bed with an ornate wooden headboard. It took up so much space there was barely room for the two nightstands.
The area rug beneath it was soft, and the duvet looked like a fluffy green cloud.
Okay, maybe this sleep plan would be easier than I’d anticipated.
The moment I made contact with the high-end mattress, I let out a groan. My back still hadn’t recovered from sleeping on the couch last night. I stretched out, grateful for the dozen or so pillows, and made a mental note to buy more for myself. Maybe they would make my pathetic twin a little easier to bear.
As I closed my eyes, my mind immediately went to the smile on Vic’s face when she saw Tess and how delighted my little girl had been in return. I was falling asleep in her bed while she walked with my baby one floor up. Surely that made us friends. My chest expanded. I liked that. More than ever, I needed a friend.
The easy sensation was quickly replaced by guilt. Emily and Jack were the best friends I’d ever had. They’d been gone for nine months now, and I couldn’t imagine having that kind of bond with another person. The ache would never go away, and it only got worse when I looked into Tess’s beautiful eyes. More and more, she was looking like her mother. Some days just the sight of her made it hard to breathe.
That was the funny thing about grief. It was always there, in the shadows, waiting to step into the light as a reminder of how bad things could get. A testimony to how much a person had lost.
The day I stood in front of a judge and learned that I would be caring for this child changed me on the cellular level.
Months later, I was still processing it all. As much as I loved being her dad, the loss she and I both had suffered was an ache that would never go away. Every smile, every giggle lifted me up while breaking my heart, because her real parents weren’t here to see it.
And they were dead because of me.
Chapter 7
Victoria
Iwas engrossed in my newest audiobook purchase and folding laundry when a knocking sound caught my attention. Tapping Pause, I cocked my head and listened. When a second knock sounded on the door, I abandoned the towels on my bed and hustled out of the bedroom.
Noah hovered in the hallway, wearing a tight T-shirt that showed off his tattoos and a backward baseball cap. Tess was propped on his hip, gnawing at Sophie the Giraffe’s head, a drop of drool clinging to her chin.
