Page 57 of Axe Backwards
I shrugged. “It’s a sandwich on a paper plate. But I did get the good sliced turkey breast when I went to Heartsborough yesterday.”
“Not only for the sandwich. Though this is really good.” He held up the second half. He’d already inhaled the first. “But for being here.”
“I want to be here,” I said softly.
He caught my eye, the gratitude in his expression so potent it made my breath catch.
It was true. I looked forward to coming over. I loved Tess, and Noah was quickly becoming my best friend. Plus we had appearances to maintain. Though that seemed less and less important lately.
My desire to spend time with him was beginning to feel far more urgent than my need to prove myself to my family.
Alexandra and Mom had been spotted at the coffee shop and a few other places over the last few days, but they had mostly kept to themselves. I’d seen them on the sidewalk outside the grocery store, and we’d had a polite, if stilted chat, where Mom insisted I must come over and see the new house but offered no specific date or time.
With every day that passed, I found that I cared less about their opinions. The panic and shame I’d felt at the wedding only a couple of weeks ago was already beginning to fade.
But then Graham had to show up and badmouth me on the street. Declare to the world that I was a failure as a wife and as a woman. And crazy to boot. I walked around, rubbing Tess’sback and trying to calm myself down. It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. It had taken years, but my nervous system was finally getting the message. He couldn’t hurt me anymore. I had to stop giving him that power.
Tess nuzzled into me, and I held her tight, knowing that this little person believed in me. That she and her dad were part of the reason why I was starting to heal.
“When was the last dose?” I asked, pressing my cheek to her heated forehead.
“Only an hour ago.”
I walked the room, making my usual loop, murmuring and stroking her little back as I told her about the big moose I’d seen by the side of the road today.
After slamming the sandwich, an apple, and a glass of water, Noah was looking more like himself.
He leaned in, putting his arm around my waist and kissing Tess’s forehead while she was cradled up against my chest. The feel of his hand on me and the warmth of his body, even for that brief moment, almost knocked me off balance.
Hormones. They were totally normal. Sick baby, concerned dad. How could I not be a little rattled in such close proximity to these two?
Evolution.In the end, I was no better than a cavewoman.
I handed her back to him, needing space and a moment to compose myself.
“She’s still warm. I should take her temp again.”
Nodding, I picked the ear thermometer up off the kitchen counter and held it out to him.
He put the tip of it in her ear, and when it beeped, he checked the reading and shook his head.
Then he put it in the other ear.
“Fuck. It’s 103.”
He dropped the thermometer onto the couch and paced, tugging on his hair with his free hand.
“Should I take her to the ER? Fuck. Her temperature has never been this high.”
My pulse pounded in my ears. God, did she have a serious illness?
“She probably has something horrible, like meningitis, and I’m the dumbass who didn’t notice.” He was spiraling now, his pacing growing faster.
His panicked self-loathing stopped my own racing thoughts. He needed me to be the calm presence here.
I grabbed his shoulder and gave it a hard squeeze. “Breathe. Your sister-in-law is the town doctor. Call her.”
He handed Tess back to me and frantically patted his pockets for his phone before finally locating it on the couch.
