Page 84 of Axe Backwards
Becca raised her wineglass again. “Agreed. And you?” She pointed a finger at me. “Since we’re talking about hot dads. Noah Hebert walked by the salon yesterday, backward hat, arms covered in tats, wearing this damn cute baby.” She fanned her face. “I almost fainted.”
There was no stopping the wide grin spreading across my face. Yes. It was a lethal combination. I had a front-row seat to the baby snuggles and all the sweet murmuring he did while he loved on her. He gave her everything he had twenty-four hours a day. It might have been the most irresistible thing I’d ever encountered.
“I’m so happy for you,” Alice gushed.
My cheeks heated. Every time I thought about Noah, it happened. The rest of my body warmed too. The feelings, the flashbacks. I couldn’t keep my brain from reliving every glorious, naked moment with him.
Becca set her empty glass on the end table next to her seat. “Graham can go fuck off. Thank God you didn’t have a baby with him.”
It still stung, thinking about it. My inability to get pregnant, even though I rationally knew it wasn’t the right path. “I always wanted to be a mother, but I guess I spent too much time focused on the goal of getting pregnant and not nearly enough on whether Graham would be a good father.”
“He’d be a dogshit father,” Becca quipped.
“Don’t say that,” Alice hissed. “Alex is pregnant.”
I shook my head, still unable to wrap my mind around it. “I sincerely hope my new niece or nephew has the most beautiful life. But I know now that having a baby with him would have been a huge mistake, no matter how much I wanted to be a mom.”
Alice put her head on my shoulder. “You’ll get there, sweetie.”
I nodded. Once I put my shitty marriage in the rearview mirror, I began working on making peace with my fertility struggles. But the sadness, the feeling that my body was broken, still crept up on me from time to time.
“She’s right. You can have a family in one of a million different ways. Look at us,” Becca said. “We’re not poster children for the typicalget a degree, get a job, get married, buy a house, have 2.5 kids and a dog, and go to Disney every yearpath.”
Alice raised her glass. “Truth. We all took different routes to get here, and that’s okay. The journey is the fun part. The part where you grow and become who you were meant to be.”
My eyes welled, making my vision go blurry. God, my friends were the most incredible people. “I love you both so much.”
“Yeah, yeah,” Becca grumbled, her eyes going a little misty. “We’re amazing and supportive, I know.” She pulled her shoulders back and arched one pierced brow. “Now let’s get to the good stuff. Did he fix your broken vag?”
“Becca!” Alice huffed, her cheeks flushing. “It wasn’t broken. Just hibernating.”
My lungs seized, and I could only imagine the color of my cheeks was closer to purple than the adorable pink of my blond friend’s.
“Not anymore.” Becca barked out a laugh. “Look at how red her face is.”
“I take it all back. You two are the worst.” My stupid cheeks had been giving me away since I was a kid.
“No more hibernation. Someone is awake!” Alice kicked her feet and squealed. “I’m so happy you’re getting some.”
Becca tapped her chin. “We’ve been telling you for months to get back on the horse, and let me just say, that is one fine thoroughbred.”
“Stop.” These ridiculous women were delighting in my embarrassment.
“He defends you to your shitty family.” Alice held up one finger, then another. “He’s got a cute baby whom he’s adores.”
“And,” Becca interrupted, “he’s hot and looks at you like you’re a delicious snack.”
“He’s an amazing friend.” The smile was back. It was impossible not to feel like I was floating when I thought about Noah.
“That’s the dream. A guy you can have a conversation with.”
“Don’t overthink this. Enjoy it.”
Ha. As if that were remotely possible. I was the queen of overthinking. And right now I was bogged down by an array ofcomplex feelings. Noah started out as a friend, a great friend. Then he was my fake boyfriend, the kind soul who helped my pathetic ass with my terrible family. Then he was just more.
I still couldn’t pinpoint the moment it happened. It wasn’t the night we finally gave in and slept together. It had happened before then, a small shift that gave way to a massive change. The physical stuff was confirmation of what had been growing between us.
He’d claimed me. And I’d claimed him right back.
