Page 86 of Axe Backwards
I tried to rein in the look, but there was no helping it. “Something happened.”
He tilted his head back and looked up to the heavens as if asking for strength. “Let me guess. Now you’re in love with her, but you’re not sure if she loves you back. If you want to ensure that she’ll fall in love with you, I’ll tell you what I told Cole: chop some wood.”
A scoff escaped me. “No. You misunderstand.”
With one brow raised, he took another bite of his scone.
“I’m not in love with her.”
He coughed, sending crumbs flying.
“Gross.” I took a step back. “Fine, maybe a little.” There was no use lying. “But right now, I’m spinning. We were friends, good friends, and now we’re…”
“More?”
I nodded. “It’s not fake anymore.”
“Does it feel real for her too?”
“I’m not sure. We didn’t exactly talk things through the other night, and she’s been working on the lumberjack competition.”
Jude smacked his forehead. “It must be genetic. Why not have a conversation? It would clear up a lot of questions.”
“I will. But I’m all mixed up. I don’t know what to say or how to say it.” I gave him a pleading look. Jude didn’t talk much, but when he did, he said the right things. He was smart and thoughtful, and I was… not those things. I was impulsive. A jump first, ask questions later type.
My brain was a mess. I was a snow globe in a paint shaker. Every smile, every kiss, every night spent wrapped aroundeach other. Visions and memories swirled around in my mind, clouding my thoughts and judgment and leaving me in a lovesick haze.
“I’m used to the chaos in my head, but this is so much more severe than the everyday scatter,” I admitted. “I’m consumed by her. I want to be with her all the time.”
He nodded, lips in a straight line, letting me talk it out.
“And when I’m with her? I’m a better version of myself.”
That made his mouth tip a fraction.
My heart stumbled. “You’re not surprised?”
“Not in the least. I called this a month ago.”
“Yes…” My pulse pounded in my ears. “But…”
“But what? You like the girl, she likes you. Lock it down. Also, I’m your only single brother. I should not be your first stop for love advice. Call Finn or Gus. Even Cole. Willa is smitten with him; there must be some magic involved.”
I snagged a scone. “Nah. You’re my twin. The yin to my yang. The others wouldn’t understand. Not many people play fake boyfriends for their platonic neighbor friend.”
Jude shook his head, apparently finding this sentiment amusing. “These wild scenarios are more common than you think.” He pulled a wooden spoon from the utensil holder on the counter and handed it to Tess so she could make even more noise. Once she was banging away happily, the sound so loud I couldn’t help but wince, he rested his forearms on the kitchen island and angled forward. “So talk to me. What’s holding you back?”
I looked at my little girl. She was on cloud nine, causing chaos.
“Where do I even start?” Defeat wormed its way back through me. “I’ve got no career and no permanent home. I’m a single dad with no idea what I’m doing. I’ve never had asuccessful serious relationship.” I tore off a piece of my scone with my teeth. “Should I keep going?”
Jude sipped his coffee and pushed his glasses up his nose. “If you want this, then not one of those things is enough to stop you. They’re all manageable. I’m not saying it’s easy to overcome obstacles, but come on, man. You just came back. You’ve got time.”
It didn’t feel that way. Tess had already turned one and I’d yet to even catch my breath since taking custody of her. I lived every day making sure her needs were met, and when I was done, I had nothing left to give to anything or anyone else.
As if she could sense I was thinking about her, Tess crawled over to me. When she used the cabinet knobs to pull herself up to stand, the look of pride on her face made my heart clench.
“Dada,” she shrieked.
