Page 98 of Axe Backwards
“It is. I have always loved Dolly. I wanted to dance to it at my wedding. Graham laughed and said it was a ridiculous choice.”
“Then I’m honored to dance to it with you.”
With a sigh, I put my head on his chest and swayed to the music, my body melding to his.
These lyrics sank deep into my bones. In all my vulnerable moments, as a teen, a lonely newlywed, and after the devastation of my divorce. But now, hope seeped in along with the ache Dolly’s voice incited.
When it came to an end, he pulled the phone out of his back pocket and started it again.
“One more time. Once wasn’t enough.” He put his lips to my forehead and lingered there for a moment.
My heart melted. If only I could bottle up this feeling and save it forever. Even if I was still confused by my emotions, they were weighty and significant.
“Sometimes I don’t know how to let myself have good things.” I admitted, my head tucked against his chest. “Growing up, I was never good enough, and my family…” I trailed off.
“You deserve all the best things. I want to crush anyone who ever made you feel otherwise. But…” He tucked an errant strand of hair behind my ear. “Sometimes I think the person you need to convince is yourself.”
That hit deep. And he wasn’t wrong. He was pulling back the curtain on all my insecurities, but it was my job to heal them.
Noah didn’t care that I always wore my hair pulled back. He didn’t mind my big ears. He didn’t care that I talked with my hands and sometimes got so excited I shouted.
He didn’t mind that I snored when I slept on my back or that I had cellulite on my thighs.
With him, I felt totally accepted. It was a heady sensation. One that brought with it a sense of safety as well as terror.
Because Noah wasn’t my friend anymore.
He wasn’t just the sweet single dad.
He wasn’t my fake boyfriend.
He was the man I was falling for. It was dangerous and ill advised, but it was inevitable.
We stayed like that, dancing through the song four times. In his arms, I was wrapped in a comfort I’d never found anywhere else. I’d never before been the kind of person who needed physical comfort and affection. But here we were, wrapped around one another, swaying along to my favorite song. Making a lifetime’s worth of promises without a single word.
Chapter 32
Victoria
“Iheard you like the maple latte.” I plastered a smile to my face and held up a to-go cup from the Caffeinated Moose.
Denis took it from me. “Thank you, Victoria. You’re so kind.”
“I wanted to apologize,” I said, my voice dripping with forced sincerity. This was the hardest part. “I was very…” I cleared my throat. “My emotions got the best of me at the diner. I shouldn’t have been so rude. I know you’re trying to help.”
I’d needed to gargle with bleach when I got home to erase the taste of those words, but by the satisfied smile creeping up his face, it was worth it. He was buying it. Looked like it wouldn’t be too difficult to convince him that I was dumb and desperate for money.
I’d asked for a meeting at their office. Then I’d dressed up and put on my game face. I was a woman on a mission. If he really was trying to rope me into some money laundering scheme, then I would make sure he was sorry. No one messed with the food pantry. It was too damn important to too many people. I’d do anything to defend it.
Sadly, a lot of people messed with me. I’d let it happen for far too long and had a lot of work to do to stop it. But this was bigger than me. This was our community, the neediest among us, the kids and the seniors and the single parents.
Standing in his office, I realized the old Victoria would barely recognize me anymore. I hadn’t anticipated that my life would take this direction. Between my infertility struggles, Graham’s cheating, and constant put-downs from not only him but my family, I had been so down on myself, so lost.
So I’d come back to Lovewell. At first, it was to help Aunt Lou. She’d been diagnosed with MS and was struggling. I took a week off, drove up here, and spent as much time as I could with her. We took walks, played chess, and talked.
While I was visiting, it all came back to me: How much I’d loved growing up here. How good the mountain air felt.
I felt more like myself. More like the person I wanted to be.
