Page 19 of Guarding Our Love
I held my hand up to cut off his weak ass apology. One time would have hurt. Maybe I could have looked past it. Whoknows? But multiples? Hell no. There was no coming back from multiples.
“So, it’s fuck me and our kids, right? Was it so hard for you to talk to me? If you’re bored, pick up a fucking hobby! Not fuck strippers!” My chest heaved as more tears rushed down my face. Normally, I would be the one trying to keep quiet so the boys didn’t hear us arguing, but I couldn’t keep my voice down. I was too fucking hurt, embarrassed, and sick to my damn stomach.
“It wasn’t like that, baby. Listen to me.”
“No, you don’t get to call me that anymore. You don’t get to say shit to me unless it’s about when the fuck you are getting out of here and if it’s about the kids. You and I are fucking done. I want a divorce. I don’t want shit from you but for you to get out and take care of your sons.”
Roy tried to grab my wrists, but I snatched away from him. It felt like he scorched me when his hands touched me.
“Please, do not touch me. I don’t want you anywhere near me.” I stood up from the bed and leaned close to him. “If you know what’s good for you, you’ll be out of my sight by the time I get out of the bathroom.”
“Sloan, we need to talk about this.”
“Roy, there is nothing for us to talk about. We could have talked any time before you chose to stick your dick in another bitch.”
He grabbed the bottom of my nightgown when I tried to walk away again.
“Sloan, please. I can’t lose my family.” His voice cracked, but that didn’t mean shit to me.
How could a person say they didn’t want to lose their family but did shit to lose said family? It didn’t make sense. What was wrong with me that my husband had to sleep with multiple women?
“It’s too late, Roy. You won’t lose your sons because I would never take them away from you. You lost me, though.” I took my wedding rings off and placed them on the table.
This time, when I walked away, he let me. I went into the bathroom and turned the shower water on. Life was going to be a lot different, and I didn’t know how things would go, but I knew I needed to get tested as soon as possible.
When I got in the shower, I broke down. It felt like my heart broke into pieces. Old feelings may have come back for Calil, but I never had any intentions of cheating on my husband. Too bad he didn’t have the same respect for me.
I sobbed as I sank to the shower floor. I let the water wash away my tears and my pain, but I knew the pain would last a lot longer than my tears. I felt nauseous, and I wanted to scream. I didn’t want to startle the boys, so I covered my mouth with my hand and screamed into it.
I had to get myself together before I faced my boys. Roy and I would have to talk to them together about us separating, but it would have to wait. If I looked at Roy anytime soon, I’d probably would stab him in the dick.
I stayed in the shower a while longer until I could stop crying. My eyes were red, and my face was puffy, so I did the best I could to make myself look presentable. Roy was gone by the time I left the bathroom, and he left a note letting me know he had taken the boys to school. He apologized again, but I ignored it. I sat on the side of the bed in my towel and called my doctor’s office because I needed to get STD testing done as soon as it was possible. Thankfully, they had an open appointment. After I confirmed the appointment, I called my job to let them know I wouldn’t be in for the day. I could have gone after my appointment, but I wasn’t in the right frame of mind, so I’d just go to the mall afterward for lunch and some retail therapy.
Since I wasn’t going to work, I decided to wear a sweatsuit. I wasn’t in the mood to do my hair, so I put a hat on. I had to apply more makeup than usual to cover up the sadness in my eyes. At least, I hope I achieved the desired look.
I wanted to call Kendyll and talk to her about it, but I needed time to process it. I wasn’t even sure how to process it. It was not something that a person just got over. I didn’t have much time to make it to my appointment, so I grabbed a quick bite from the kitchen and left the house.
After my doctor’s appointment,I spent the rest of the day at the mall until it was time to pick up the boys. I was thankful that Roy wasn’t there when we got home, and I noticed some of his clothes were missing from the closet.
He hadn’t tried to call me all day, and I wasn’t sure how to feel about that. I knew I told him that I didn’t want to see him, but if he were really remorseful, he would have tried to apologize more than the two times he’d tried. I wasn’t forgiving him, but he didn’t even fight it. Maybe he didn’t want to be here anyway and was just waiting to find a way out.
“Ma, you good?” Blake asked as we sat at the table eating the Chinese food I had picked up on the way home.
“Yeah. I’m okay. It’s just been a long day.” I got up and kissed his temple. I didn’t want him or his brother to worry about me.
I wasn’t surprised Blake picked up on my mood because he was always in tune with my emotions. He was a mama’s boy, whereas Brooks was more of a daddy’s boy.
Blake studied me for a second. “You sure?”
“Yes, son. I’m sure. Did you guys finish your homework?”
“Yes,” they responded at the same time.
Brooks stood from the table and emptied his plate in the trash. “Can we go watch the game now? The Warriors are playing.”
Brooks asking me about the game reminded me that Calil texted me, but I never responded.
“That’s fine. Maybe I’ll come watch it with you guys when I finish cleaning the kitchen.”
