Page 32 of Guarding Our Love
I closed my eyes and thought about how much I wanted to share. Things with Calil and me had been good. He hadn’toverstepped and had been giving me time to process my impending divorce, but he also made his intentions clear. Hence the constant phone calls and the flowers. He even sent me lunch a couple of times over the last week.
“I know that what I’m doing is the right thing because I can’t be with a serial cheater, but I’m also afraid of what happens next.”
Tears filled my eyes. I no longer knew who I was outside of being a mother and a wife, and that scared me. I knew I liked to shop, but what else? If I wasn’t working, I was being a mom or a loving wife, and it felt like it was never enough. I was surprised I shared that with him because I hadn’t said it to anyone else. That was the first time I admitted it to myself.
“Sloan, listen to me. Nobody ever knows what’s going to happen next. All you can do is live in the moment. Whether you are married or divorced, you are still an amazing mother and a dope social worker. Those things won’t change. What happens next is whatever you want to happen. I’ll be with you every step of the way. If you need a friend to talk to, I’ll be that. If you need me to talk to that pretty pussy, I’ll do that. Whatever you need me for, I’ll be that. I don’t know if you thought I was playing, but I’m serious about how I’m coming behind you, Sloan. I’m willing to move on your time, though.”
Sheesh. This man had my body temperature scorching with the way he talked. He said all the right things, and I ate that shit up. I wasn’t trying to rush into anything, but I wanted to be open to see how things went with Calil at some point. The way he talked, that time would come sooner than I expected.
“I don’t even know what to say to that.”
“There is nothing for you to say except, yes, Calil, I’ll let you be all of that for me.”
His words made me smile, especially when he tried to imitate my voice.
“That’s not how I sound, but yes, Calil, I’ll let you be that for me.”
“See? Simple. If you need to call me later after the conversation with the boys, don’t hesitate. How are they, anyway?”
“They are good. They won’t stop talking about the game.”
I liked that Calil asked about the boys no matter what because he knew how important they were to me. I couldn’t talk to someone who didn’t understand that I was a mother before anything. My boys would always come first.
“That’s what’s up. Let me know when you want to bring them to another one, and I got y’all. I’ll make sure they are courtside this time.”
“Oh, they will lose their minds.” I giggled.
Calil chuckled. “I’m sure they will. I’m for real, though, Sloan. I got y’all. Your boys will always be included in that.”
More tears filled my eyes again. It might have been crazy of me, but I believed him.
“Thanks, Lil. Let me let you go. I also need to finish up this paperwork so we can have this talk. I’m really dreading it, but I know it needs to happen.”
“It’s going to be fine. The boys probably won’t fully understand, but it’s for the best. How about I take you somewhere for a day if possible? I have a two-day break, and I really want to spend it with you. We can disconnect from the world.”
Having a day to myself to do nothing would be perfect. Having Calil there would be even better.
“That’s a good idea. The boys are supposed to go with their dad anyway. They just don’t know it. He hadn’t seen them in a few days and wanted to spend some time with them. Plus, we think it would be good for them after our talk.”
“Cool. I got everything covered. The only thing I need is for you to show up. Bring an overnight bag and a bathing suit.”
“A bathing suit?”
It had been a while since I wore a bathing suit. I think we went on our family vacation a couple of years ago. Maybe it was time to buy a new one and something sexier.
“Yes. Trust me on this.”
“Okay. I will. I’m hanging up for real this time.” I tittered.
“Talk to you later, Sloan. And remember, everything will work out.”
“Thanks. Talk to you later.”
We hung up the phone, and I sat staring at the wall for a few minutes. I wasn’t sure what I was doing with Calil, but I enjoyed it so far. There was nothing wrong with having a little fun.
After a few minutes, I went back to reviewing the paperwork I had been working on, but the closer it got to the time for me to leave, the less interested I became in it. My stomach was tight, and for the first time in forever, I dreaded going home, but it had to be done. I couldn’t fully enjoy myself with Calil or anyone else if Roy and I weren’t divorced. Since I could no longer focus on work, I closed out my computer and headed home.
Royand the boys were at the house by the time I arrived. He had picked them up from school and taken them to get pizza. We both pretty much dreaded the conversation, and neither of us wanted to cook dinner. I didn’t want Roy in the house longer than he needed to be anyway.
