Page 13 of Not Afraid to Trust Again
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I wasn’t ready to talk about it, but I knew I needed to. I felt like it would give him a better understanding of me and my past actions.
“What I’m about to tell you isn’t easy, and I need you to not say anything until I’m done. I haven’t even told my sister this story, so please don’t say anything.”
I wasn’t sure when I would tell my sister, but I wanted it to be on my terms. I trusted Kyden, so I didn’t think he would tell anyone, but I just wanted to reiterate that.
Kyden rubbed my back and kissed the top of my head. “Your secret is safe with me.”
He released me and leaned against the headboard. I sat up and crossed my legs, facing him.
I tried doing anything to distract myself from looking at him, so I rubbed my hand back and forth over the sheet.
“Take your time,” Kyden encouraged as he rubbed my knee.
The room was completely silent while he waited for me to speak. I squared my shoulders and closed my eyes because I didn’t think I could get through the story with the way Kyden looked at me.
“When I was in college, I dated this guy. He was sweet and all that other shit until he wasn’t. One day, we were at a party, and I had been drinking. My boyfriend was there, and we were having a good time. At some point, I was all over him.” I opened my eyes, and he stared at me, so I closed my eyes again and continued. “I’ll just say when he tried to take things further, I didn’t want to, and he ended up assaulting me.”
When I opened my eyes, I noticed Kyden’s eyes had darkened as he clenched his jaw.
He tossed his head back and let out a deep breath. Without him saying a word, I knew his thoughts weren’t good. It was written all over his face.
“What do you mean assaulted you, Elise? Did he . . .” He shook his head like he didn’t want to finish the second question.
My words were lodged in my throat as hot tears rolled down my cheeks, so I nodded.
Without a word, Kyden pulled me into his arms and hugged me. His hands ran up and down my back as I sobbed and released what I’d been holding on to.
“Get it all out,” he whispered in my ear. “Let all of that hurt go. You are safe now, and as long as I’m around, you will continue to be safe.”
I continued to cry into his chest. It had been a long time since I had such a cleansing cry because I tried to push the incident out of my mind as much as I could.
I wasn’t sure how long we stayed like that, but by the time I’d gotten it together, I was tired. I was tired of crying and tired of living with that secret. I prayed that I would finally start to heal from that.
“Do you know where he is now? And I’m assuming you never told the police or even campus security.”
“I don’t know where he is. I haven’t seen him since college, and no, I didn’t tell them. I just wanted to put it all behind me.”
Kyden put his hands on the sides of my face.
“That didn’t work for you, though, baby. To this day, you are having nightmares about it. I’m kind of glad you didn’t, though, because if I ever find him, I’m killing him.” He pecked my lips like what he said was normal.
I didn’t want to believe he would do such a thing, but the look on his face let me know he was dead serious.
“Thank you for sharing that with me, and trust me, I won’t bring it up again. If you ever want to talk about it again, I’m hereto listen. I suggest you go to therapy about it. You need to heal, baby, from all of it.”
He kissed me again. He opened and closed his mouth multiple times, and something in his eyes told me he had to tell me something.
“I did go to therapy, but maybe I need to go back.”
“I think that’s a great idea, and don’t put it off.” He kissed the tip of my nose.
“I won’t.”
It was time for me to fully heal from this, especially with a baby on the way. The rest of the day was spent with Kyden and me relaxing.
I took Kyden’s advice and called my therapist and had a couple of sessions since then. My therapist also suggested attending a support group. I’d like to think therapy and the support group helped, because I hadn’t had nightmares since I started, and that was a win in my book.
