Page 23 of Not Afraid to Trust Again
Erin was the head pharmacist and would take care of anything that needed to be done in my absence.
“Thank you.” I leaned my head against the car window.
“Don’t worry about it. I’m always here. Have you called Kyden?”
“I did, but he didn’t answer his phone,” I told her.
She patted my leg then squeezed it. I didn’t have the energy to smile at her. It seemed like the more time had passed, the weaker I felt.
“Hopefully, he will return your call soon. Try to rest as much as you can. We’ll be at the hospital in another few minutes.”
I closed my eyes again and prayed all the way to the hospital. Kyden hadn’t called back, and I hadn’t tried again. I figured he’d see my missed calls whenever he could check his phone again. I could have sent him a text message, but this wasn’t something that should be relayed through text.
When we arrived at the hospital, Janae helped me inside then got me checked in before she parked the car.
They took me in the back and put me in a private room. A nurse came in to take my vital signs and started an IV. My blood pressure was elevated, so she told me they would give me something for that after they ran some tests. I was poked and prodded for what seemed like forever, then an ultrasound tech and Dr. Beckam came into the room.
Janae was in the waiting room. She was probably nervous as hell because she didn’t know what was going on. As far as I knew, Kyden still hadn’t called and had no clue I was in the hospital.
“Kanae, can you tell me what happened?” Dr. Beckam asked as the tech did the ultrasound.
I told her about what had happened at the pharmacy. She asked me if I had any issues before that, and I hadn’t. The only thing I experienced was morning sickness, but that had eased up.
I didn’t hear the heartbeat and immediately started crying again. Dr. Beckam swallowed and grabbed my hand. I already knew what she would say by the soothing tone of her voice and the sadness in her eyes.
“Kanae, I’m sorry. What you were experiencing was a miscarriage, and according to the ultrasound, you passed the fetus naturally.”
I shook my head. “No. No.”
A loud sob ripped through me. I knew at one point I was undecided about having the baby, but that had changed. I certainly didn’t want to lose my baby.
Dr. Beckam squeezed my hand then let it go. “I’m going to get your sister. Again, I’m sorry.”
She rubbed my shoulder then left the room. The ultrasound tech wheeled the machine out of the room, and I wrapped my arms around my torso and clenched my teeth. I wanted to scream and cry but couldn’t because I was in public. It didn’t stop the tears from falling though. My heart literally shattered in my chest, and I wasn’t sure how I would recover from this.
Janae ran over to the bed when she entered.
“Nae.” She pulled me into her arms.
“It’s my fault,” I cried.
She pulled away but kept her hands on my shoulders.
“Shh. This is not your fault. Unfortunately, these things happen, and nobody can explain why.”
I wasn’t trying to hear what she had to say, and I didn’t have the energy to debate with her, so I kept my mouth shut. Werocked back and forth in my hospital bed as I mourned the loss of a child I would never know. My tears soaked the pillow as I continued crying until I fell asleep, and I never got the chance to tell Kyden.
I feltmy phone vibrating in my pocket, but I couldn’t see who it was because I was in the middle of a traffic stop. It had gone off more than once, so it must have been important. My first thought was Kanae or my brother. I prayed that whatever it was wasn’t too critical. I would find out as soon as I was finished.
“I’m just going to issue you a warning but slow down the next time you come through here.”
Typically, I gave out tickets to people who sped through here, but sometimes, I gave visitors a pass because they didn’t always know how quickly the speed limit changed around these parts. One minute, the speed limit was sixty-five, then suddenly, it changed to forty-five. Plus, I was in a good mood.
“Yes, officer. Are you single?” the woman asked.
“No, ma’am. Have a nice day.” I tapped the hood of her car and walked away.
I didn’t give her an opportunity to say anything else because I wasn’t interested. Things with Kanae had been going well, and I wasn’t trying to mess that up with some random passing through town. She wasn’t the first woman to try, and she wouldn’t be the last.
