Page 31 of Not Afraid to Trust Again
I had forgotten about the anonymous calls, but they hadn’t stopped. My thoughts were focused on my grief, and not on whoever chose to play on my phone. I answered, and nobody said anything.
“Everything okay?” Elise asked when I put the phone back into my pocket.
“Yes. Everything is fine.” I leaned over and kissed her nose.
I still hadn’t gotten around to telling her the secret I’d been keeping, but it was never the right time. The calls were becoming more frequent, and I knew I should tell her, but there was no way I could after this. I’d give it a little longer.
“We are going to get through this and anything else thrown our way, together. Let’s watch something funny.”
She moved closer to me and hugged me. “Thank you again, Ky.”
“No problem, baby.”
As we cuddled on the couch, I prayed the love we had for each other would be enough for us to overcome any other obstacles we may face.
A few weekshad passed since the miscarriage, and I was slowly feeling better. Every morning, I prayed to God to give me peace and to help me through the grieving process. It was crazy that my baby was only weeks old, but I loved it so much without seeing his or her face. Sometimes, I would picture how it would come out, but then I would cry.
I was tired of crying, so when Kyden suggested we spend the day together outside of the house, I didn’t hesitate to agree. I figured fresh air would do me some good, and my sister encouraged it as well. She and Kyden had been checking on me daily but still gave me space when I needed it. The only thing they requested of me was that I at least respond to their text messages, so they’d know I was okay.
My sister hadn’t done any more pop-up visits, but Kyden came by every single day. Sometimes, he stayed the night, and we would watch movies and chill. I wanted to tell him everything that had been going on with me, but I didn’t know how. The nightmares had come back, and he was there a few times, but he never pushed me to tell him. I knew one day I needed to.
I felt like he was holding something back as well, but I never asked. I figured he’d tell me whatever it was when it was time, just like I would.
Kyden had been a godsend. He was just as hurt as I was, but he catered to my feelings. Sometimes, I felt like he was handling it too well, like he was relieved the baby didn’t make it, but then I would tell myself I was crazy for thinking that.
If he truly didn’t care, he wouldn’t be around the way he had been, and he wouldn’t have gotten me the gift he gave me. I hadn’t taken the necklace off since the day he put it on me, and I never would. I loved it, and it was a constant reminder of our baby. I thought it was the sweetest gift, and it made me cry so hard when I opened the box it came in.
It felt like things were getting back on track with us, but I wasn’t sure when I would completely feel like myself again. There was no timeline either. I just took each day as it came. If I wanted to cry, I did. I always allowed myself the opportunity to sit with my emotions, but I tried not to let it go on for too long.
I started journaling and reading the bible more, and they both helped tremendously. I didn’t talk too much about the different emotions I experienced, but I knew I had a good support system that would be there for me when I needed them, and that was comforting enough.
Kyden said he had to handle some business before we left, so I ate breakfast then got dressed.
In the last couple of weeks, the weather had gotten colder, so I put on a sweatsuit with some boots, and I would probably wearone of my vests because my coats got too hot sometimes. He told me we were going to hang out in Pinewood Mountains for a little bit, so we would be spending time in the car, and who knew what else he had planned. As long as he didn’t try to go skiing, I was good. I laughed at the thought because there was no way anybody would find me on some skis.
I didn’t feel like doing anything with my hair, so I put it in a ponytail then put a hat on. If we were going to be walking around, I wanted my ears to be warm.
My doorbell rang just as I finished putting my look together. I made sure I had my phone and bag, then headed downstairs.
Kyden chewed a piece of gum as he rubbed his hands together when I opened the door.
“Do you not have gloves?” I teased.
He rushed past me into the house, and I laughed as I closed the doors.
“Hello to you, too, Elise.” He blew in his hands then opened his arms.
I walked over to him, and he pulled me into his cold chest.
“Hello, Kyden. Do you know your coat is cold, right?” I inhaled his cologne and closed my eyes. It didn’t matter how cold he was, it felt good to be in his arms.
He chuckled. “I do, but since you got jokes, I wanted you to feel just how cold it was.”
I sucked my teeth and stepped out of his grasp.
“You ain’t right.” I giggled. “I’m ready if you are.”
“You’re not putting a coat on?”
