Page 43 of Not Afraid to Trust Again
“I will as soon as we get to the car, and you allow me to explain.”
She sucked her teeth and scoffed, but she let me continue carrying her to the car. When we reached the car, I opened the door and placed her inside. I even buckled her seat belt for her. I quickly made my way to the other side before she got the chance to try and get out. She sat with her arms folded over her chest and a scowl on her face.
I started the car and pulled out of the parking spot. I wasn’t sure where Octavia was, or if she would try to find us.
“Before you say anything, let me talk first. Octavia and I were married for eight years until one day she disappeared on me. I filed for divorce, but when she came back around trying to fix things, I considered getting back with her until I met you.”
“You said you filed for divorce. Was it finalized?”
“Yes,” I assured her quickly. “It took a little extra time because she ghosted me, but the divorce was finalized. I am no longer married.”
She didn’t respond right away, and my heart hammered while I waited for how she would respond.
“Why couldn’t you just tell me that from the beginning?”
“Because when I met you, I didn’t give a fuck about her anymore.” I pulled over at a nearby park.
The moment I laid eyes on Elise, Octavia was out of sight and out of mind. Elise helped me heal and move on in a way. For awhile, I wondered how Octavia could just . . . leave me and never talk to me again. Then I met Elise, and no one else mattered that came before her. Maybe that had been the case with Octavia too. Maybe she’d met someone that made me no longer matter.
After putting the car in park, I turned to face Elise. “I apologize for not being honest, but I can promise you that I only want you. That’s it, that’s all. There are no more secrets between us.”
It was wrong of me to ghost Octavia like that, but even more wrong for me not to tell Elise about her from the jump. There really wasn’t any good reason that I didn’t. I held on to the secret of my marriage and divorce and created anxiety over the situation when I could have just come clean.
“I want to believe you but . . .”
I took my phone out of my pocket and tried to hand it to her. “You want to go through my phone to see that I haven’t been in contact with her, or any other woman?” I had nothing to hide, and if that was what she needed from me to believe me, then I would do it. “She’s been blowing my phone up for a while now, but I never answered.”
She looked like she contemplated it for a minute before she said, “No. That won’t be necessary. I forgive you. I’m willing to try to trust you because of everything we’ve gone through, but don’t make me regret it. We’ve wasted enough time as it is.”
I leaned over and pecked her lips multiple times. “Thank you. You won’t regret this, I promise you. I love you.” I grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it.
“I love you too.” She smiled.
I can’t believe I held this from her all this time. We had been through enough, but I was confident that everything else was up from here. I almost lost my girl for nothing. I was thankful that she was able to forgive me for not being completely transparent.
A month and some change had passed since Octavia popped up. Elise and I talked about it some more when we got back to my house, and she advised that I have a conversation with Octavia. I arranged for us to meet at the local diner, so we would be in public. It was necessary to completely close that chapter.
“Hey, thanks for meeting with me,” I said to Octavia as I slid into the booth across from her. Initially, I wanted Elise to come with me because I wasn’t sure where Octavia’s head was at, but she insisted that I needed to do this on my own. I also didn’t want Octavia to feel like she was being ambushed.
“First, let me apologize for ghosting you in the past,” she started. “Truth is, I had checked out of our marriage and didn’t have the courage to tell you. I knew you’d try to make things right between us, and I didn’t want you to put forth the effort. I just wanted it to be over.
“I regretted ghosting you and causing the end of our marriage. When you told me you’d consider us trying again, I got a little too excited. That’s why I’ve been blowing your phone up. I can see that you have moved on, and I’m okay with that. I do wish you had said something, but it’s partially my fault. If I had communicated from the beginning, we wouldn’t be here. I gave up on our marriage and left, so I’m not sure why I expected us to be able to reconnect. I hope me popping up didn’t ruin what you had going on. Me saying I was your wife was really my possessiveness of you. Seeing you with someone else . . . did something to me. But I know I have to move on.”
“It almost did ruin things, but that’s on me, because I didn’t tell her about you in the first place.”
Octavia’s shoulders slumped, and I wanted to ask her what was going through her head, but it wasn’t my business. She was no longer my concern.
“All of it is water under the bridge,” I added. “I apologize as well. I should have been honest and told you that I didn’t want to try again instead of ghosting you the way you’d done me. I suspected you were the one calling, but I didn’t want to answer and dig up old feelings and issues if it was really you. There are no hard feelings. I hope you find happiness one day. Our chapter is closed, and I wish you the best.” I slid out of the booth because there was nothing left to be said.
“Kyden,” Octavia called after I took a couple of steps. I turned around to face her. “Take care of yourself and your lady.”
“I will. Take care of yourself.” With that, I walked away and out of the diner.
Elise and I had been doing well. She had been doing so much better mentally and no longer had nightmares, thanks to her doing solo and group therapy. I promised her that there wouldn’t be any more secrets between us, and I meant that shit.
“One more pointand I’m the winner,” I boasted as I held the ball and paddle in my hand.
“Yeah, yeah.” Kyden groaned as he bent over to catch his breath.
