Page 136 of Better Than Gelato
I look at him, shocked. Jake’s the smartest guy I know. He looks straight ahead and keeps talking.
“I was sleeping less than five hours a night, barely eating anything, and failing three of my classes. Everything was harder than I expected. My research in Milan was great, but it didn’t prepare me for med school. I’d gotten lazy, forgotten how to take notes, how to prepare for an exam. My advisor called me in and told me I needed to make some big changes, or I wouldn’t make it through my first year.”
We walk in silence as I mentally search through all our phone conversations, looking for signs he was failing.
“But you made it through,” I say finally.
“I did. I stayed at Columbia over Thanksgiving and Christmas to get in extra work time. A resident took me under his wing and helped me out. By spring, I was in better shape.”
“I had no idea,” I say.
“I was too embarrassed to tell you. I felt like a complete failure. And…well, it’s hard to love someone else when you don’t love yourself. If I could go back, I would do a lot of things differently.”
I’m not sure what to do with this information.
“Well, not to brag, but I killed it my first semester back,” I say.
“Did you?”
“Yep. When you’re heartbroken and depressed, you don’t party on the weekends. You study and get straight A’s.”
“Were you heartbroken and depressed?”
His voice is full of tenderness and to my absolute mortification, I feel tears coming to my eyes. I cough and wave off his question.
“It was a long time ago. And we both made it through.”
“I tried calling and emailing, but you never responded.”
“I know.”
I don’t apologize or explain. I needed him completely out of my life so I could heal. But now…Maybe now things could be different.
“I’m dating someone,” Jake says.
I walk into a fire hydrant.
“Ow! Holy monkeys that hurt.” I rub my shin and turn my head away from Jake.
“Want me to take a look?” he asks.
“No, no it’s fine. I’ll be okay.” We keep walking. I only limp a little.
“So you’re dating someone,” I say lightly. I shouldn't be surprised. This is Jake. He loves having a girlfriend.
“Yeah, it’s pretty early. We’ll see. How about you?”
“Work. I mean, I’m not dating anyone. I’ve been working a lot. I mean there were some people. Men. There just aren’t any right now.”Sweet mother of Moses, stop talking, Juliet.
I ask Jake about his plans for after med school, and he tells me he’s specializing in cardiothoracic surgery, so he’s got three more years of training. He’s already been accepted to the program at Columbia.
“Good for you. That sounds really cool,” I say.
I’ve got to call it a night. At a certain point, this becomes masochistic. And yet the pull to be near him is so strong I can’t bring myself to cut the night short. The rain makes my decision for me. What starts as a trickle turns into a downpour. We take cover under a restaurant awning.
“I’d better go,” I say.
“Of course,” he says. “You must be exhausted from traveling. Let me get a cab for you. What hotel are you at?”
