Page 87 of Better Than Gelato
Walter O’Brien
Department Chair
I stare at the screen for a long time, then slowly close my laptop. It’s the sound of all my dreams dying.
ChapterTwenty-Two
Iwake up the next morning exhausted. My mind kept churning over my rejection all night. Trying to come up with a new plan for my life. But there is no new plan.Thisis what I want to do. What I’ve always wanted to do. And for one brief, shining moment I thought I might get to have it.
I can’t transfer to another college to study photography because I need my scholarship money. I can’t apply next year because I barely have enough funds to get through four years of college. I definitely can’t afford five. I have no answers, no solutions, and no will to get out of bed.
If there was a time I’ve felt this low, I can’t remember it. The soul-crushing disappointment is a stark contrast to how excited I’ve felt since I applied. Already imagining the next two years immersed in something I love. Already imagining a life for myself, out of Lakeport, exploring the world, having adventures. I got ahead of myself. And now I feel like an idiot.
I put on clothes. I bring Isa to school. Then I come home and sleep all day.
By the time night rolls around, I’ve almost made my peace with it. I knew it was a competitive program. I knew most other applicants would have classes and experience that I didn’t have. It was always a longshot. Just because I had the chance to chase my dream didn’t mean I would catch it.
I pull up the photos I sent and look at them objectively. I like them. They’re good photos. It’s a small victory, but it means something that I worked hard and did the best I could. Sometimes your best isn’t good enough and there’s nothing you can do about it. And that sucks.
And sometimes, you didn’t give something your best, and you know you could do better if you had another chance.
I send Jake a text and ask him to meet me at il Duomo tomorrow night.
* * *
I have a speech in my head and a bag of pastries in my hand.I can do this.Jake’s reply took forever last night, but he said he’d be here.
The piazzais nearly empty, and I see Jake right away. My heart starts beating double time. He gives me a little wave, and I wave back. The fact that he showed up is a good sign, I tell myself. And he waved at me. That’s two good signs.
My hands clench and unclench as I wait for the light to turn green so I can cross the street into the piazza. Suddenly there’s a firm tug on my arm.
“Scusi, ragazza! Can you help an old woman bring her groceries home?” There’s a tiny old woman standing at my elbow. She looks to be 102, and she’s carrying a large bag withsupermercatowritten across it. It takes me a minute to grasp what she’s saying.
“Disculpe, che?” I’m sorry what?
“Do you speak Italian, child? I need your help. Let’s use that young body of yours for more than looking pretty. My apartment is two blocks this way.” She passes the bag of groceries to me, links her arm through mine and leads me away from the piazza, presumably toward her apartment.
Is this really happening right now?
I look over at Jake, who’s watching us. I try to motion for him to wait just a minute, but one arm has a heavy bag and the other a tough old Italian woman. The best I can manage is a bewildered headshake.
We walk three blocks, not two, and I bring her groceries up three flights of stairs to her apartment. She thanks me and offers me a slice of cake, but I decline and hustle back to the piazza. Jake is still there. He’s sitting on the steps now.
“What just happened?” he asks when I jog over. “Did that old lady make you carry all of her groceries home?”
“Yes! That’s exactly what happened! And it was a third-floor walkup!”
Jake laughs, his dimple popping out, and for a split-second, things are normal between us.
He looks at me, and I take a seat next to him and launch into my speech. I want to get it all out before he walks away again.
“I love you,” I start.
And then my speech dissolves. All the points I outlined in my head blur like wet ink. “I’m sorry for hurting you. I’m sorry I didn’t value our relationship before. I didn’t know how amazing it was going to be. But I do now. And knowing that changes everything. I won’t ever make a mistake like that again.”
I risk a glance at Jake, but I can’t read his face.
“If you still need some time, I understand. I can be patient. If you need me to be a better girlfriend, I promise I can do that. I’m ready to give this my very best.”
