Page 96 of Better Than Gelato
Isa makes a big show of thinking about it. “I mean, if we’re already going...and Julieta’s nearby...I guess we could visit her...”
I snatch her up and dance her around on my hip like she’s a baby monkey. She giggles and holds on tight as I swing and dip her. “Whew. This is such a good plan. For a moment, I was worried I wouldn’t see you again and it was terrible! But now I know we’ll get to hang out in December, and it’s so much better.”
“It is better,” Isa says with authority. “Because you’re really going to miss me.”
“I really am,” I say. And then I put her back down by the car and watch them all climb in and drive away. Isa rolls down the window and waves to me. I wave back until they’re out of sight. I’m missing that sweet hooligan already.
* * *
Sunday afternoon, Jake and I snuggle on the couch and watch a movie. Okay, there’s a movie playing in the background while we make out.
His hands are tangled in my hair, and his lips are moving down my neck. There’s a delicious buzzing in my brain. Everything feels soft and blurry.
I’m vaguely aware that our kisses have gotten hungrier, his hand on my back stronger as he pulls me to him. I can feel my heart speeding up, my nerves leaping in excitement.
We’re past the point where we usually stop and take a break.
Does he not want to stop? But if he wanted us to take that step in our relationship, we would talk about it, right? Isn’t that what people do?
Jakes slides his hands up my back under my shirt, his fingers cool against my hot skin.
Or maybe people don’t do that. Maybe one thing just leads to another and there’s not much talking at all. I don’t know how this works!
I pull away. “Hey.”
My breath comes out fast, and I can’t look him in the eye. “I um…I need to…” and I can’t think of a single thing I need to do. I just know that I can’t stay here with him like this. “Shower,” I finally say. “I’m going to go take a shower. Get ready for dinner.”
“Okay,” Jake says. I can’t tell if he’s oblivious to the sexual tension, or just better at hiding it than I am.
I stand under the hot water, letting it run through my hair and down my back. I take some deep breaths and shake the haziness from my brain.
Fifteen minutes later, my hair is washed, my legs are shaved, and my head is on straight. Jake sits on the couch. Not reading, not looking out the window. Just sitting.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“Of course.”
“About our sex life.” My cheeks flush with heat, but there’s nothing I can do about that.
Jake’s eyes go wide. “Do we um, have a sex life?”
“You were up front with me at the beginning, but now I feel like I’m getting mixed signals from you. I don’t know when to stop or keep going. I don’t know what you want.”
I breathe out.
“But I know what I want. I thought I was waiting until I fell in love, but that’s not enough for me. I want to feel like I have a future with someone. We’re going to schools on opposite sides of the country. All of this might be over in a few months and that’s not something I want to worry about when I have sex for the first time.
“So from now on, I’m not just trying to make things easier for you, so I don’t mess up your plans. I’m trying to make things easier for myself. And I’d like your help with that.”
Jake doesn’t say anything for a minute. He looks a little shocked honestly.
“I’m sorry,” he finally says. “I’m sorry for giving you mixed signals and making things harder on you. I can do a better job.”
“Thanks,” I say.
He pulls me into his arms and hugs me for a long time. I feel a little silly after my big speech, but I’m still glad I said it.
“I love you,” he says.
