Page 119 of Endless Anger
Though I suppose I’m also not helping matters. One might be able to argue that I’ve made them worse, but I’d never admit it out loud.
Foxe throws open the door with more gusto than I care for, all things considered.
Somehow, what’s waiting at the threshold feels more damning than a killer.
Lucy’s eyes, hardened and glowing with anger, find mine immediately. She’s in one of her tight little sweaters, this one a deep green that brings out the bright blue in her irises, and a short black skirt like the one she had on in the library. Tights cover her long, toned legs, and even though she’s clearly pissed, I can’t help the way my dick stiffens at the sight of her.
It’s always been like that, if I’m honest. Seeing her just takes my breath away; the reaction between my thighs is simply a bonus.
For me at least. I imagine the woman seething across the room would not find it enticing at the moment.
Or maybe she would. Her anger gets me going, so perhaps there’s something in her that would also see the benefit of a rage-induced make-out session.
Fucking Christ, you stupid bastard. Get a goddamn hold of yourself.
“Lucy,” I greet in a monotone voice, aware that she’s been avoiding me since the library.
“Oh, fuck that.” She points an index finger at me, her eyebrows knitting together. “Don’t you dare call meLucylike I’m in trouble or some bullshit. You’ve had your hand so far inside me that I could practically taste it. You arenotmaking me feel like a piece of shit by using my full name.”
Foxe’s jawunhinges, and he swings his gaze to me. “Oh?”
“Get the fuck out,” I snap at him, flipping my sketchbook shut.
“No, he can stay. This won’t take long,” Lucy says, stomping inside. She shoves a piece of white paper to my chest, the force making me cough. “Did you do this?”
I take the sheet and toss it into the wastebasket by my desk. “That kid wasn’t supposed to fucking tell you.”
“He didn’t.” She crosses her arms. “Why would you do that, Asher? The whole point of me doing the fundraiser was toraise the funds. If I wanted to use my parents’ money, I would have.”
“Why didn’t you? They’d save the shelter in an instant.”
“Of course they would, you big dummy. That’s not the point. I don’t ask them for help because I want to be able to do shit by myself. If I have my parents step in every single time I need something, that isn’tmyaccomplishment.”
“Seems kind of pointless,” Foxe chimes in. “You have the means to do actual good in the world but deny the help because of…vanity?”
She whirls on him, glaring. “I’m allowed to want to earn things independently. My parents don’t define me, nor does their money. I do things becauseIwant to, but if all my efforts are only possible because Ihad a built-in safety bank, then the risk is canceled out. My dreams and goals belong to my parents. Not me.”
“But nepotism rocks,” Foxe replies, scratching at his chest. “It gets you opportunities and brand deals and?—”
“It isn’tmine!” she screeches, tears springing to her eyes. Her hands claw at the air, her voice raw. “You don’t get it, because you never needed to. You have an identity outside your parents, your friends, your connections. No one cares that your cousin is a famous musician or that your dad is a renowned music professor because they likeyou.”
Something burns in my chest.
“I don’t have that, Foxe. I can’t make friends easily or connect with people on a whim. All I do is make everyone fucking angry or uncomfortable, because I don’t know how to do anything else. I am barely a human, and skipping steps to do actual good makes me feel like I’m not even that.”
Her voice cracks, and nausea rolls in my stomach.
The room goes silent when she stops speaking. They stare at each other while I study a chip in the wood of my desk.
I’ve always known there was a disconnect between Lucy and her peers, ever since we were young, and probably partially because of her ADHD. Even after her parents addressed it and got her medicated, the way her brain worked made her see and do things differently.
It was a similar disconnect I felt between myself and others, but where I didn’t give a shit what people thought or how they reacted to me, it was quietly eating away at her inside.
A person forced to care so deeply about a world she could never fully break into.
She cared so much it made her dysfunctional. Unrelatable in a society preoccupied with ego.
And rather than start college with her and attempt to help navigate newfound freedom and identity, I fucking ditched her.
