Page 129 of Endless Anger
“Negative points.”
He laughs. “Fair enough. I know how easily swayed you are by that particular appendage now of course. It wouldn’t be right.”
Rolling my eyes, I push him away as my stomach growls. He runs a hand through his damp hair, adjusting the hoop in his nose.
“For what it’s worth,” he says, meeting my gaze in the mirror. “There wasn’t a second I spent during those three years apart when I didn’t regret my decision. I thought I was protecting you… No, that’s not true. Not entirely.”
I watch as he scratches his throat, seeming to grow uncomfortable while he searches for the words.
“Part of it was me wanting to keep you safe. I thought if you came to Avernia unattached from me, no one would know you even knew who I was, and whatever the students like Beckett Dipshit?—”
“Dupont.”
“—tried to do or say wouldn’t affect you. I was convinced this was a bad place to be an Anderson, and I used that as an excuse to bail.” He looks up, shrugging. “But thetruthwas that I was terrified of you resenting me. That night you told me about how I was a crutch and that you needed to figure out how to be your own person… I wanted you to do that. I thought my joining you here would somehow inhibit you from it.”
Tears sting my eyes when I remember how personal the rejection felt.I glance down at the chipped vinyl counter, running a fingernail over it. “So bailing was the preferential option? Theonlyoption?”
“I didn’t know what else to?—”
“Bull-fucking-shit, Asher.”
Whirling on him, I jab a finger into his chest. A concoction of volatile emotion swirls within me like a violent tornado, and I press into the hollow point beneath his collarbone, anger pulsing through me.
For a second, I latch on to the rage. I let it travel along my limbs like a fireball, consuming me as some sort of catharsis for the girl who spent years wishing he’d show up or at least explain himself.
“Ineededyou.” My voice wobbles despite my best efforts, but I don’t stop. Not yet. “It was terrifying being out here by myself. I mean, Aurora was here, but she gets along with people. She makes friends easily, and it felt like I was in fucking kindergarten again, standing on the sidelines, waiting for her to invite me to come play.”
A tear spills down my cheek, and he silently wipes it away with a thumb.
“With you… I never had to wait for an invitation. You dragged me along no matter what you were doing or who you were doing it with. I felt wanted, and maybe it’s stupid, but Ineededthat. Or at least I craved it. Everything else was so much fucking work, and being with you?—”
My words get lost in my blubbering, the dam behind my eyes breaking with the onslaught of emotions and sensations, all competing for space in my brain at once. Asher’s throat bobs, and he gingerly wraps his arms around my shoulders, pulling me into him.
I sob until the cries turn into coughs and keep my face buried in his chest even after they subside.
Again, I’m reminded of when he found me in the forest, alone and petrified, still reeling from Celeste’s death.
“I got so tired,” I murmur, sniffling. He doesn’t askof what, like he already understands the implication—of trying, failing, being alone. The weight of it was constant, pressing down on my shoulders as if to flatten me.
His hold tightens. “I know, baby.”
Baby.Something about that word versus all the other nicknames he’s ever given me makes my stomach flip, and I eventually pull away, wiping my nose on my towel.
Squaring my shoulders, I lift my chin. “All right, well. Now that we’ve taken care of that, we can start with the next part of your apology tour.”
“Which is?”
“Breakfast.”
“Are there any vegan places on campus, or are we gonna have to ask to borrow Foxe’s?—”
Something hits the closed bathroom door, a crashing noise making me nearly jump out of my skin. It’s locked, so no one can just come in, but when Asher starts to walk over to it, the booming sound happens again, like a large object is being repeatedly thrown up against it.
He reaches for the handle, unlocking it, and I move toward him. His head whips around, and he glares at me. “Stay there.”
I frown. “Don’t tell me what to do,pretty boy. I’m not letting you be clobbered to death while I stand by doing nothing.”
“You have no sense of self-preservation,” he snaps, a pleading look flickering in his brown eyes. “ButIwould like to preserve you. So stay there a second, for Christ’s sake.”
