Page 61 of Shades of Mercy
“I’m wanting the best for you,” he said quietly.
Anger pulsated through her.
She crossed the distance. “I’ve learned a lot about you while being here. You’re punishing yourself, Jag. That’s why you isolated yourself from everyone. That’s why you still throw up steel walls to keep people at a distance.”
“I don’t know what you're talking about.” He leaned his hip against the counter.
“I think you do. I don’t believe for a second that your distance and rejection of us getting closer have as much to do with Mateo as they do with your fear of getting close. I realize the only thing you have to hold onto is that safety net.”
“Don’t read too much into who you think I am.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I’ve offered myself up on a silver platter, and you reject me. I’ve made my feelings clear. All these years I’ve had one hope, and that was for you to pull your head out of your ass and make a move.”
“I’m not relationship—”
“Stop right there,” she said firmly. “You must eventually stop using those excuses.”
He tore a hand through his hair. “Failing has always worried me.”
“You can’t call it failure unless you try and fail. And then it’s not called failure. It’s a life lesson. Please do what you see fit between us because at this point, I’m to the end of my rope. I can’t take the wishy-washy behavior any longer.” She took off for the bathroom in a huff.
She hated how she felt — alone and isolated. A tug of war of emotions was going on inside her.
She couldn’t keep exposing her feelings to him and hitting a wall.
Turning on the shower, she undressed and climbed under the warm spray, allowing it to massage her scalp.
After scrubbing her hair and body, she turned off the water and stepped out to dry herself off. She cuddled in the warmth of the towel as she stared at herself in the foggy mirror.
“Get yourself together, Mercy.”
Exhausted, she wanted to sleep, but when she opened the bathroom door, she found Jag standing in front of the bedroom.
“I can’t handle another argument, Jag,” she said softly.
“Today, I saved that little boy. I’ve never really been proud of myself or needed someone to validate me or my abilities. But today, I couldn't wait to come back and share it with you. It makes me sound weak to say this, but it’s true.”
The light streaming down the hallway accentuated the sincerity in his expression. Then it struck her. He wasn’t jealous of Bones. He was battling his emotions, and this was all new to him. “If I had known, I would have been here,” she said, taking a small step forward while keeping some space between them. “You did something amazing, Jag. You deserve to take pride in that. You are not only a soldier. You’re a man with needs. It’s okay to have emotions and to show them. It’s okay to be vulnerable.” She took another step, bringing her so close to him that she could feel the heat of his body radiating through her towel.
“I’m a man standing in front of a woman whom he cares for very much.”
“It’s about time.” She smiled.
“Mercy—"
“Don’t do that, Jag. Don’t make any more excuses. Or back pedal.”
“This is all foreign to me,” he said in a strained voice. “I never thought I would want to lose myself in a connection with someone.”
“No one knows what tomorrow will bring. That’s why it’s important to live for today.”
“I’m supposed to be protecting you. Not wanting you,” he admitted.
She brought her hand up to cup his warm, whiskered cheek. “I trust you.”
Then an invisible force struck them, and they came together. She pressed her palms against his chest and leaned in. “Now is the time to choose—one hundred in or one hundred out. I won’t settle for less, and I won't settle for being a side chick. You can’t choose when you want feelings and when it’s not convenient for you. They’re either there all the time or not at all.”
He took her mouth with his.
