Page 19 of Clashing
Could you be more pathetic?
Not only that, now he knew something very personal. Something no one knew except Todd. That fucking asshole. At least I wasn’t crying anymore. At least I was angrier than anything else now. Anger was easier than sadness.
My stomach knotted. I’d be lucky if Ryker touched me again. He was probably afraid to lest I fall into tears while he gave me an orgasm. The worst part? I couldn’t do a damn thing about it. How he’d act when I saw him tonight or how I’d act, I didn’t know. I only hoped he’d keep his word about not telling anyone. He didn’t seem like the kind of guy to spread gossip, but I also didn’t know him well.
Can’t even make it two weeks without creating another problem.Why did I generate drama everywhere I went? I was a magnet for it. The mess with Todd—how did that happen? I inherited my mother’s horrible taste in men is how, I guess.
That wasn’t fair. I shouldn’t blame her. The painful truth was I didn’t know what a healthy relationship looked like. I wasn’t good at making friends, so I had no one to ask except Dan, who was divorced, and my mother, who only picked douchebags. Tammy seemed nice enough, and despite Ryker being a fucking god, she hadn’t batted an eye at him.
Maybe I could try to be friends with Tammy.How do people make friends?I only had one friend before moving. I got made fun of a lot in middle school and high school for being a thicker girl. I was always socially awkward. Always too much for people to handle. And last night, I’d been too much for Ryker.
Dwelling on it wouldn’t help. I threw my frustration into working at the bar. Dan would be home Sunday, so I had one more night without him. After last night, my self-esteem took a hit. I skipped the short skirts and plunging shirts. Instead, I wore a slightly longer skirt—still want those tips—and a blouse that was low but not plunging.
Every time the bar door opened, my heart raced, and I subtly glanced over. A sigh of both relief and disappointment escaped every time it wasn’t Ryker. The sun disappeared below the horizon before his usual group swaggered through the door. At first, I thought maybe he was avoiding me since he often entered first, but no, he walked in last with one of the guys, chatting on their way to the bar.
My breath caught as they both sat. Ryker’s eyes found mine, and my heart stopped.
A half-smile played on his face. “Hey, Scarlett. Can you get us both my usual?”
Unable to speak, I nodded and placed two glasses in front of the guys. I poured a double of Ryker’s favorite scotch, GlenDronach Parliament. Apparently, he had a lot of money because it wasn’t cheap, and he always paid in cash with a generous tip.
As I poured their drinks, he didn’t look at me again. It shouldn’t have bothered me. Yet, it took me a moment to give up and move on to another customer. Unlike last night, his gaze didn’t follow me everywhere I went. Was it because of my change in clothes or his change of heart? Or maybe he’d done exactly what he wanted. He fucked me, and now he was done.
Maybe I would’ve been okay with it if not for my freak-out, and the moment I thought we had while he held me.No.He was just being nice. He may be afuck them and leave themtype, but unfortunately, he was also a sweetie. It was the second time in one night I’d witnessed his soft side, and I hated it. It would’ve been a lot easier if he were a jerk.
Serving kept me distracted until I got less and less tables. New people came in, and after their initial greeting, asked for Tammy. I was getting pushed to the bar. Again. I glared at Ryker, but he never spared me a glance. Somehow, he’d done this. I ended up with one single table. Tammy had the rest while I worked the bar.
What the hell?There were way more seats at tables than at the bar. She had more than half the people in here. I couldn’t be mad at her because I knew the culprit.
Getting his attention didn’t work. Anytime I tried to talk to him, he’d turn away from me and focus on his friend instead. My palm prickled with the desire to slap him.
What’s worse, my body responded to him anyway. One look at him in jeans and the black shirt showing off his sculpted body, and I ached. Last night was anexperience, and despite my annoyance, my vagina remembered his attentiveness. Now, I’d never feel him again. All the sex in my life seemed suddenly boring comparatively.
That jackass.
Needless to say, being stuck behind the bar except for one table and being horny on top of it, with the reason for my horniness inches away, I got crabby. I played it off well with my customers, but the more Ryker avoided me, the more everything about him agitated me. Was he that put off by my display? I knew it was bad, butcome on.
Fine. If he was going to be that way, I would too. I refused to look at him. Not even when I refilled his and his stupid friend’s drinks. Everyone else I chatted—and sometimes flirted—with. Not him. I was done hoping for his attention.
Maybe I needed someone else. I’d already broken my rule of swearing off men. It seemed ridiculous to jump from one guy to another, but Ryker was off the table, and I had a distinctive urge to have my next sexual encounter end better. I couldn’t dwell onthatas the last time I had sex. That, and I might have needed to feel more in control.
The idea rolled around in my head, especially regarding the single table I had left. One guy’s gaze had glued to me the moment he walked in. His flirtatious smile was cute. The table had been there for hours, almost since we opened, so they didn’t fall victim to Ryker’s plan to keep me behind the bar.
Initially, I talked to the flirty guy like anyone else. Then I stood there, cleaning a glass and observing him. He wasn’t as average as I’d made him out to be. He just wasn’t Ryker.
This stranger had a trim build with an obvious dedication to bicep curls, blond hair, and green eyes. Not a bad combination.Maybe I’ll be a little friendlier when I approach this time.
Their pitcher of beer dwindled. I adjusted my shirt to show more cleavage and sauntered over, fixing my gaze on Green Eyes. “Another round, boys?”
“Please.” Green Eyes grinned. “You know how to take care of a guy, Scarlett.”
More than aware I was giving him a look right down my shirt, I bent for the pitcher. “I sure do.”
He gave me a once-over, gaze lingering on my tits. I winked, then returned to the bar with an extra sway in my hips.
Maybe I was terrible. Maybe I was pathetic. But I wanted to be with someone tonight to forget about Ryker and my mortifying breakdown. I couldn’t be alone in my head. I needed a distraction.
A customer at the bar asked to cash out as I passed by, so I filled my table’s pitcher and stopped at the register to print the customer’s check. I tapped my nails against the counter as I waited for the old thing to print, making a point to not peek at where Ryker was sitting a couple stools over.
