Page 61 of Clashing
“I don’t have PTS—”
“Don’t give me that shit.” He stretched his hand toward me. “I know what it looks like. The sooner you admit it to yourself and to someone who can help you, the better.”
I eyed his waiting hand. If I was honest, I knew I might have to do this at some point, but I didn’t want to. I couldn’t. Ryker rounded the counter and turned the stool until my body faced his. He cupped my jaw and made me look up at him.
“I know it’s scary,” he said softly, brows knitting in concern. “It’s not easy. I don’t think it is. It takes a lot of strength and bravery to face something like that and open up to someone about it. But you have to, Scarlett. Youhaveto. You’re strong, baby. Don’t let fear stop you.”
“I wouldn’t know where to look,” I whispered.
“I can help.” He caught my tears with his thumbs. “If you want to find a therapist, I’ll tell you the best ones closest to us. If you’re worried about money or you want someone specifically tailored to your needs, there’s a crisis center not ten minutes from the bar. I’ll take you if you don’t want to go alone.”
I nodded and tried to turn away, but he held me in place and brought his forehead down to mine. “Look at me.”
I did. I looked into those sapphire eyes and wondered if anything had ever been so beautiful.
“I won’t push it. You gotta go when you’re ready to go. I know that. So I won’t push, but it needed to be said, okay? You’re not alone.” He hugged me, his arms a respite from the pain. “You tell me when you’re ready. Because you haven’t lost all control in your life, Scar. No one has that power over you. Especially not him. You call the shots for you. No one else.”
I nodded and he circled the counter to pour himself another drink. Grayson laid his head in my lap, whining softly. I pet his head, and Demon turned the corner toward Ryker. Ryker’s lips turned up and he gave Demon an affectionate pat.
His dogs were like him. Intimidating to look at but so attuned to people. If anyone else told me what Ryker just did, I wouldn’t have taken it well. But he knew what to say. He knew what to do. He knew I needed to be covered. He seemed to always know what I needed. Then he looked up at me with a reassuring smile and it hit me harder than it did before.
I was so in love with him, it hurt.
Chapter nineteen
Feelings
Ryker
IexpectedScarletttobemad at me for encouraging her to get help, but she was more resigned than anything. That was good. It meant part of her already recognized that we’d reached this point. Not wanting to push her after an episode, I didn’t initiate seeing her for a few days. Letting her come to me was best.
She didn’t initiate for over a week, then one night she stopped me on my way out of the bathroom and said she wanted me to take her against the wall. I wasn’t going to say no to that. So I did and of course, it was amazing. It always was with her. It felt great at the time but later in the night, I wondered if it was the right thing. Her eyes were off, their usual spark muted.
I decided to tell her we should hold off until she figured things out. She seemed vulnerable and I wouldn’t be some jackass taking advantage of her. So, I rode to the bar early and found her outside, loading canvases and bags splattered in paint into her car. It was better to be in public, where saying no to her was easier. I parked my motorcycle next to her truck. She’d already turned to face me by the time I removed my helmet.
“Where’s that crisis center?” she asked, wringing her hands together.
Oh shit. All right.
I gestured to the street behind her and dragged my hand to the right. “Down that way. Take a left on Washington. It’s on the right side. Purple sign.”
She gnawed her lip. “Okay.”
“Want me to come?”
“No.” She straightened her spine and took a deep breath. “I need to do this for myself.”
I’ve never been prouder in my life.That shit wasn’t easy. It took guts to face something you’d rather pretend was a nightmare. “All right.”
“Did you want to talk to me about something? That’s usually why you park back here.”
“It can wait. Why don’t we talk when you get back?”
“Okay.” She waved at me as she got in her truck. “See you later.”
I waved and she drove in the direction of the crisis center.Good for you, sugar.
The thing was, I should leave her alone while she worked on this. She didn’t need to get distracted, and my attachment couldn’t continue. This was the perfect time to end our arrangement. It was the last thing I wanted but it wasn’t about me. Not only did she deserve better, sheneededbetter.
