Page 92 of Clashing
“Ryker.” I gripped his bicep. “Come here, baby.” I tugged him until he laid his head in my lap. “It’s okay. I’ve got you.”
Ryker turned his face toward my stomach and snaked his arms around my waist. I started the car and combed my fingers through his hair. I didn’t know where to go. There were too many events and parties. I needed to get him away from itall, so I got on the highway and drove out of the city.
More fireworks went off and his trembling arms tightened around me. I turned on the radio and found a station to drown out the sounds. Hoping to keep him fully distracted, I sang along with the music.
Ryker’s shaking slowly subsided. Whether it was the music, the growing distance between us and the big parties, or my fingers in his hair didn’t matter. All that mattered was it helped.
Time ceased to exist as I drove until everything around us quieted and no colorful fireworks illuminated the sky. Exiting the highway, I found a dirt road that didn’t seem to lead anywhere. Darkness and silence greeted us as dust danced in my headlights. I stopped the truck and killed the engine, my heart thudding as I waited for the crack of a firework.
Please let this be far enough from everything.I waited five minutes. Ten. Fifteen.Nothing.If we were going to hear explosions, we would’ve by now.
Ryker’s arms constricted around me, his eyes squeezed shut. “I can’t breathe in here.”
“Let’s get you some fresh air.” I opened my door and guided him out. Taking his hand, I pulled him with me into the bed of the truck. The dogs yelped as he climbed in, both jumping at him. After petting each of them, Ryker sank down, head hung between his knees. The dogs cuddled beside him, and I returned to the cab.
Dan wanted me prepared for anything and insisted I keep a bag with blankets and a bunch of other stuff for emergencies. In that moment, I appreciated his paranoia. I dug the bag out from behind my seat and returned to the truck bed.
Ryker hadn’t moved. I draped a plaid blanket over his shoulders and one over mine before sitting next to him. While he slouched forward, head down, I rubbed gentle circles against his back.I wish I had something comforting to say.He’d never opened up to me about this part of his life.
I almost gave up on the rubbing, but he finally took a deeper breath, the tension in his shoulders relaxing a small amount. I scooted closer, wrapped my arms around him, and rested my chin on his shoulder. “What can I do?”
In a twisted way, the question almost made me laugh. It’s what he’d said to me our first night together when I freaked out.What do you need, sugar? What can I do?
Fuck.Definitely not over him.
“I’m tired.” The tremor in his voice clamped a vice around my chest. “I haven’t been sleeping. I’m so fuckingtired, Scarlett.”
My eyes stung at the raw vulnerability. Despite not wanting to, I released him to roll my blanket into a makeshift pillow. Stars twinkling above us, I scooted forward, lay back against the blanket, and beckoned him toward me. “Come here.”
I expected a fight but didn’t get one. He let me direct his head onto my chest. I draped the blanket over both of us and hugged him. His body slumped against mine and burly arms curled around me.
“It’s okay.” I kissed his head. “I’ve got you.”
Both dogs cuddled against Ryker’s side and rested their heads on his back. Silence filled the vast space around us. Evidence he was awake came from the occasional wince, then he’d squeeze me tighter.
I pushed my fingers through his hair. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“There’s nothing to talk about.”
I hesitated, nerves buzzing with uncertainty and concern. “Do you want to tell me why you can’t sleep?”
At first, he didn’t answer. He cuddled me like he never had before. Draped his leg over mine and pulled us so close, nothing could’ve come between us.
“Nightmares. Nightmaresevery fucking night.”
“Nightmares about what?”
“Things I did. People I killed.” His voice croaked. “One person in particular.”
I pursed my lips so I wouldn’t push. If he wanted to tell me more, he would. As much as I wanted to know, the last thing I wanted was for him to reopen a wound.
“He was only a little kid.” His words came out whispered and broken, the tremble in his body returning. “I didn’t mean to, Scarlett.” He choked on the words. “He got caught in the crossfire. I didn’t know he was in the house. When the shots came at me and my friends . . . I shot back to defend us. I didn’t know they had a kid in there. Who the fuck shoots at armed soldiers with a goddamn kid in the house?”
My stomach dropped and I shut my eyes to keep the tears from escaping. “It wasn’t your fault. You were defending yourself. It was an accident.”
“An accident that ended a kid’s life.” His warm tears dripped onto my skin.
“Oh, Ryker.” I twisted toward him. “I’m so sorry that happened. I’m sorry it haunts you like this.”
