Page 93 of Clashing
“I deserve it,” he muttered. “I didn’t know you could sing.”
I could’ve pushed it, but he didn’t need that right now. If he needed to change the subject, I’d let him.
“I’ve been in choirs most of my life.” I rested my cheek against his head. “I like singing.”
“Sing again.” He buried his face in my neck. “Please.”
I did. Until he fell asleep. I would’ve sung all night for him.
Chapter twenty-nine
Crossing the Line
Ryker
WakinguptoScarlett’sperfume for real instead of clinging to the scent she left in my sheets relaxed my muscles. Liquid warmth spilled through my exhausted nerves.Maybe I’m asleep. Maybe I’m dreaming.I didn’t want to find out.
Mustering the courage, I opened my eyes. My face rested against her soft chest. Internally, I groaned at the comfort of her supple skin. All this time, I let her sleep in my chest when I should’ve been taking advantage of hers. Glancing up, I found her deep in slumber. Dark lashes fanned out over cheeks that I missed watching turn red.All that time you had to appreciate her, and you didn’t, you damn fool.
Regret for letting her slip away twisted knots in my gut. I wanted to appreciate every part of her. Her small details, her passion, what her muse was. I wanted all of her.
Not a dream.She was here. Grayson lay beside her with his head nestled over her shoulder against her neck, also asleep. Demon’s familiar presence against my back almost elicited a smile.
Almost.
Memories from the night before flooded my mind until I drowned in humiliation. I’d never let anyone see me like that. I’d never told anyone what happened overseas. Panic and shame twisted nausea to the point bile crawled up my throat. I fuckingcried. She’d never respect me again.
I disentangled from her, ignoring Demon’s light whine as he moved so I could shimmy away. Sitting up, I scrubbed my hands over my face. A loose curl dangled across Scarlett’s cheek, and I traced it while I cursed myself. I was such a fucking idiot. Soweak. What would she think of me? I didn’t want to know. Things were already bad between us, butnow?
I lost my last chance of ever getting her back. She’d learned what a piece of shit I was. It was over.
The sun crept above the horizon, providing hope for those who deserved it. It would’ve been a beautiful morning, waking up in fresh air with Scarlett in my arms and the dogs lying next to us. Except I ruined it. Like I ruined us. I clenched my fist and wished I could clone myself to beat the crap out of me. I hated showing weakness around anyone, especially the person whose opinion mattered the most.
Sighing, I bent my knees and dropped my head between them, then laced my fingers over the back of my skull. Same position as last night. I should’ve been able to handle the stupid fucking fireworks. I expected them.So why couldn’t I fucking ground myself?It’d been three years. When would it end?
Anger simmered in my veins. At first, anger at me. Then anger at her. She was so reckless last night. I wasn’t in my right mind. Other guys had hit people who tried to comfort them. They’dhitpeople they cared about because they’d gotten stuck in a memory and reflexively swung. I could’vehurther. She was so fucking stubborn. This girl had no goddamn sense of self-preservation. I’d bet money her apartment was unlocked.
“Hey.” Her soft, sweet voice both fueled the rage and calmed it. Calmed because her voice could soothe every bad thing that’d ever happened. Fueled because it reminded me how easily she could’ve gotten hurt last night because she didn’t fucking listen when I told her to get away from me.
She squeezed my shoulder and once again, I bounced back and forth between extremes. Her touch relaxed and tensed me.Always a game of extremes with her.Dammit, why did she never prioritize her own safety? Why did she never think of herself?
She rubbed my back. I didn’t deserve it. She shouldn’tbehere. She should be somewhere safe. “You okay?”
I snapped my head up, frustration narrowing my eyes. “No, I’m not fucking okay, Scarlett. What the hell were you thinking?”
Her hand retracted, her mouth open. Silence fell between us and guilt crept up my spine, but I was tired of her doing reckless shit when she wasn’t stupid.
“Ryker.” Her brows furrowed. “What’s wrong?”
“What’s wrong?” My fists clenched and cracked the dried blood from punching the wall last night. Right in front of her. I shouldn’t have done that and the fact I did proved I was way too out of control for her to be vulnerable around me. I hopped out of the truck. “What’s wrong is you can be so fucking dense.”
Worry lines creasing her forehead, Scarlett climbed out of the truck bed. “Are you mad at me?”
I couldn’t look her in the eye. Shame, frustration, and concern all converged to a dangerous point. I was angry at me. At her. She shouldn’t have taken that risk last night.
Fuck, stop being unfair.I needed to calm down. Only this woman propelled me from zero to a hundred so fast.
I dropped my forehead against the passenger window, craving the coolness to counteract the hot anger.Don’t be an idiot, Ryker. Don’t lose your shit on her.
