Page 96 of Clashing
Days passed, and I finally stopped crying, though I wasn’t in great shape. I lay on the couch, staring at a switched-off TV, and pondered what about myself I needed to fix so I’d stop being an asshole magnet.
Ryker called. About a hundred and fifty times. He called and texted nonstop since I left his house. I deleted every text and voicemail without reading or listening becausenothingexcused the way he’d treated me. He came to my apartment several nights in a row, but I’d actually locked the door. His annoying persistence backfired because I didn’t acknowledge a single time he knocked.
I’d barely seen Dan, who wasn’t fully mobile. Disappearing under my blankets forever wasn’t an option. Dan’s worry made me get myself up. Although I would’ve liked to couch-rot forever, I showered and dressed. Before leaving, I descended into numbness so I wouldn’t cry if I ran into Ryker on my way to Dan’s.
I didn’t bother with makeup. Sweats and messy hair had never been a problem for the only man in my life I’d been able to depend on. I walked to his house with my arms wrapped around myself, hoping he’d accept that I was having an extra bad period and not pry. Inside, the murmur of his TV led me to where he’d been spending most of his time. He didn’t have a lot else to do while healing.
“Scar.” Dan sat up straighter when I entered the living room. “You okay?”
Didn’t I say I was numb?So why did him asking that fill my eyes with tears?
“Oh, honey.” He set his beer down and opened his arms. “What’s wrong?”
I crawled onto the couch, laying my head on his lap and hiding my face as the tears returned. Again.When will I run out?
“What’s wrong?” He rubbed soothing circles on my back. “Talk to me, honey.”
“It’s nothing,” I cried. “I’m having the worst period. I feel like shit.”
“Doesn’t seem like that’s all it is. Did you fight with Collin?”
“No. I’m having a bad emotion day.”
One of the many good things about Dan? He pushed when he needed to and never did when I couldn’t handle it. He didn’t ask again. Instead, he stroked my back while I cried. Eventually, I stopped, and he told me to order us takeout and that my favorite ice cream was in the freezer. It always was because he was amazing. My life might fall apart, but I’d always have Dan.
We ordered Chinese and I rested my head against him while we waited for it to arrive. Dan draped an arm over my shoulders and let us watch TV until he came up with a solution I believed to be a guise to get me to talk.
“You need a drink?” he asked.
“God, yes.” I didn’t care if it was a guise. I wouldn’t talk to him about Ryker. Nothing could make me that stupid.
“I’m almost out.” Dan gestured to the nearly empty bottle resting on the coffee table. “Do you wanna get a bottle from the bar?”
I stretched as I stood. “Okay.”
I paused at the bathroom to check my reflection in the mirror. Messy hair and puffy eyes, but it was Wednesday, so the bar wouldn’t be full.I hope Ryker’s not there.His presence during the week had always been erratic. I crept through the back and peered around the corner. Thank fuck Ryker’s usual chair sat empty.
Sneaking into the supply room, I nabbed a bottle of my and Dan’s favorite whiskey and escaped without anyone noticing. I shuffled out the rear door but paused when it didn’t crash shut behind me. I glanced back. Ryker stood a few feet away and my spine straightened. I snapped my gaze forward and sped-walked toward Dan’s house.
“Scarlett, wait.”
“I don’t want to talk to you,” I muttered, hugging the whiskey to my aching chest.
Ryker stepped in front of me and widened the crack in my heart.
“Ryker,fuckoff,” I snapped. “I mean it. I don’t want to talk to you.”
“I’m sorry, Scarlett.” His expression crumpled, though not nearly as badly as my soul had. “What I said was fucked up. I didn’t mean it and I don’t think it. I was angry and it was stupid. I’m so sorry.”
“Apology not accepted.” I sidestepped him, but he moved in front of me again. The devastated look in his eyes almost matched mine, but the wound bled too freely to give in.
“Scarlett, I’m sodesperatelysorry.” He flattened his palms together in a plea. “What can I do? I’ll do anything. Baby, it was wrong and untrue and not fair. It was a fucked-up thing to say. I don’t think any of what I said. I wasn’t in my right mind, and I’m sorry. I wish I could take it back. Let me make it up to you. Tell me what to do, Scarlett. I’ll doanything.”
“You can’t make that up to me, Ryker,” I seethed and stormed past him. “How can you possibly make that up to me?”
“I’m aware how fucking awful I was.” He caught my arm and twisted me toward him. “I don’t for one second think what I said was true or acceptable. It absolutely wasn’t. I regretted it the instant it left my mouth.” He raked his hand through his messy hair. “Everything’s so much more intense with you. Not that it’s your fault,” he added quickly. “It’smyfault. There’s no way to justify what I said. I’m so fucking sorry. I hate myself for doing that to you.”
I wrapped my arms around my waist, though it wouldn’t hold me together. “Why did you say it?”
