Page 11 of The Happiness Blueprint
“I don’t want them lined up as if they are soldiers guarding a driveway! What will the delivery people think?” I take it these gnomes are the main men in her life.
“I’m sure the delivery guys think we aretotallynormal,” our customer grumbles, then turns to his wife. “Can you at least put their hats away, now that it’s almost spring?”
Almost spring? Yesterday we had a whole hour of direct sunshine. The Scandinavian bar is low.
I stop in front of a gnome, a half-yard-tall, bearded porcelain man with his head held high and an eccentric suit to match his pointy hat. I nod my head in greeting.
“I like this one. He looks like he knows what he is about. Works a job that doesn’t make him hate Mondays. Possibly into winter swimming.”
The man doesn’t smile.
“When will I meet everyone?” I ask as we drive back to the home office after another two appointments and a quick sandwich lunch eaten in the van. I realize it’s getting close to 4:00 p.m., and so far I haven’t seen any of the guys. They’re just names in Times New Roman in an email Dad sent me last week.
Dad stretches his neck from side to side and takes his time answering.
“They’re all on the same project today. I thought it might be calmer with a day’s introduction, just you and me. They’ll be at the office tomorrow morning. I’ll come with you.”
Later that evening, as Dad prepares written instructions for my first day alone, I type up the quote from today’s site visit into an email. I stall at the very beginning. At YourMove we had templates, and customer interaction was never harder than choosing a sentence from a drop-down box. I’ve unsuccessfully googled to see if there’s a book on professional language, a sort of guide. Once in Oxfam I found a book calledEmojis and Chat Language: The Complete Guide,and something similar would be highly useful. I message Saga.
Me: Would I be writing “Hope you’re well.” Or “Hope you’re well!” to a customer?
Saga: Seriously, Klara. They mean the same thing?
Me: Well, “hope you’re well” sounds like you don’t really mean it. And “hope you’re well!” sounds like you mean it a bit too much, wouldn’t you say?
Saga: Honestly... I have work.
Me: Well, so do I.
Work that I’m not sure I can handle.
ALEX
Personal Calendar
• NEW TASK:Go to parents’ house
• NEW TASK:Remember they love you and mean well
• NEW TASK:Get out alive
Arrive at Mamma’s and Pappa’s with baked goods; was brought up to never arrive empty-handed, even at my family home.Fikais the name for a Swedish coffee break, and it can occur anytime of day. There is the morning fika, the afternoon fika and my family’s favorite, the ever so popular torture-Alex fika.
They know about the trial date, obviously, but refrain from bringing it up. Too innocent to doubt the outcome of the day, my makers, too convinced there is a law and order in this country and that truth will always win. Because when the worst has already happened to them things must get better, right? I’m suspecting they also think bringing it up will worsen my condition, and emotions are not for conversation over coffee and cake. They are for taking it to the grave.
Conversation accompanying the cinnamon apple cake goes something like this.
“In my day, there was no such thing as depression. We plowed through it.” (Pappa)
“Alex is more like me. You know that, Pappa, a sensitive and romantic soul.” (Mamma)
My parents are the type of alien people who call each other Mum and Dad, even after their kids have left the nest. Might be acceptable if they had a pet, but they don’t.
“Maybe if he would start eating meat again, he would get enough vitamins and iron to kick it.” (Pappa)
“Vegetarianism saves me money, and it’s good for the planet. Kidney beans have as much iron as meat.” (Me)
“Lots of women are not eating red meat these days. I’m sure they would love a man that knows how to cook as well as Alex.” (Mamma, in the voice of a long-suffering mother)
