Page 33 of The Happiness Blueprint
It’s lunchtime, and I should really head off. There are plenty of places I could be—the office, my van, the village. But instead, I sit down on the bench next to Klara outside the office, half expecting her to lash out and shoo me away like a pigeon or shift to the other side of it as if I’ve got a reeking greasy takeout she needs to get away from. Surprised to see her stay put in silence.
Klara lifts her face toward the sun and pulls her sleeves up, revealing her insulin pump.
“Sun’s out, pump’s out,” she says. I’ve recently learned that she is only here in Sweden temporarily. Not sure how I feel about that. Haven’t had the nerve to ask exactly how long.
“What do you have in London that pulls you in so much? Polluted junctions and inflated rent?”
“That’s not all it is. You have to live in London to understand it.”
“I know, but seriously. You can go back to a flat share, a nine-to-five job and saving toward a sky-high property deposit. Or you could have fresh air, your own place for almost no money and a job you seem to love.”You could have me. Dream on, Alex. This is the woman you have to pay in croissants just to get aGood morning. If that’s not setting the vibe straight...
“You don’t just change a plan. I was forced to do that once, and it threw me. I’m still adapting years later. Now I stick to what I know. I’ll get another job in customer service chatting, work hard, save enough for a deposit via some scheme property in an up-and-coming area. And then I meet a nice man, preferably tall and into monogamy. Bonus if he cooks and sleeps on the right side of the bed. Not willing to switch sides.”
“I sleep on the right side.”Seriously? Of all the intelligent things I can say to a woman to up myself, that’s what I go for?
Notice Klara is sweating. Drops of perspiration are trickling down around her ears. The small hairs curl up into spirals.
“You should take that off,” I instruct her.
“I get like this when I’m high. Can’t stop drinking and everything is too hot. It’s like menopause, I imagine.” She pulls at her sleeves and yanks the sweater over her head. She is wearing a black crop top, or is it actually a bra? I settle on it being one of those items of clothing that works two jobs, that hustle. She hands me the sweater, not quite sure why and what I’m supposed to do with it, and her hand touches my wrist.Something flushes through me, and I feel like I’ve just been pulled from a deep daydream, except all she’s done is place her fingers on my skin.
I swallow hard. I fold up her sweater and place it to the side, then go to fetch her a glass of water. As she drinks it, I lose myfucking mindand bend down to move her hair off her face. As in—sensually stroking strands of hair off her face and looking into her eyes. No idea why I’m doing this, I must be mental.
“Alex,” she says. Klara has said my name a hundred times, but this time there’s a heaviness to it.
Aware I overstepped and not sure what happens next.
KLARA
How many seconds of typing...is the norm?
Google Search I’m Feeling Lucky
When I come home and my pulse has returned to a normal rate again—I have had a cold shower followed by a gin and tonic outside, hoping the freezing fresh air will shake some sense into me with its northwesterly gusts of wind—I message him.
Me: I think we should go back.
Alex (replying very, very fast): Back where?
Me: The friendship zone.
He doesn’t answer fast this time.Typing...comes and goes. I time it like you would when taking a pulse. Checking for danger or a problem. Fifteen seconds on average between theTyping...I’m not sure what level of disaster that involves. Wish there were charts which explained the length ofTyping...
I consult Alice, who seems the best one to involve on the subject matter due to the fact that she won’t start questioning why an employee has left the friendship zone to the same degree I imagine Saga would. I may have been wrong.
“You said what? You do know that you sound like a meme half the time. Pretty sure there actuallyisa memelike that.”
“That can’t be a bad thing. Memes are succinct, poignant and straight to the point. They also carry an element of humor, which could be said to act in favor of a perception of friendliness. Which I do want to maintain since we work together. What would the workplace look like if we went around touching each other’s hairs?”
“I’d say memes can make you seem cold and distant.”
“Are you saying I should be leaving the friend zone hand in hand with the married employee?”
“Klara, all I’m saying is chill.” See I wish I couldchill.I have been trying hard to repress my thoughts about Alex, but in the end it’s too hard, and I let them wash over me.
“I’ve put the thoughts I’ve had down to one of those random fantasies that everyone has.”
“We all share random fantasies?”
