Page 39 of The Happiness Blueprint
“Maybe he’s changed? It was years ago. Don’t you think it means something that, of all the people I could have hit with my car, I hit Tom?”
“How big is the population over there, again?”
“Fine, but still, it must be some sort of sign.”
“You are fabricating a meet-cute from reversing your car into your evil ex’s. You’re not in a romantic comedy, Klara.”
“I clearly remember you saying I needed a rebound when Mark broke up with me.”
“That happened months ago. And your ex is not a rebound. That’s repeating history. What did the text on your cup say again? Please, do remind me.”
“Sorry, Klara, I can’t do this. xox, Tom.”
“And?”
“And a smiley at the end.”
“Neat.”
“I guess I long for some closure. We never spoke since that time at the coffee shop. I left for London the week after. If he would just admit that he made a mistake, or that he regretted the way he broke up with me or something, I could move on, stop wondering about it and why he did it.”
“You need approval from anyone you meet, Klara. I’m not saying it’s just you, all us women do it if we don’t become aware and stop. This evening I stayed behind and tidied my desk because the cleaners were coming in the morning and I wanted their silent approval of my workplace and of my person being tidy. Be more male. You want to know that he approves of you, but who gives a fuck? How about you don’t approve of him? Did that thought ever cross his mind? I bet not.”
“But he’s here, and I know him, and I’ve dated him—all huge points in the positive column. I’m never going to be the dating-app type, and I’m certainly not the go-to-a-bar-and-socialize-with-strangers type. I’m much more the revisit-things-with-your-ex-because-he’s-right-there-in-front-of-you type.”
“Just because he’s there doesn’t mean he should be,” she says, sighing. In fact, she’s sighed so much in the past ten minutes I’m worried she’ll run out of oxygen.
“Okay, Alice, I need to go. I will consider your points and make an informed decision.”
“If you insist on going ahead, let me at least send an outfit for you to wear. Doubt you brought something appropriate for a Dazzling the Ex date.” I’m about to reply that my black jeggings and black polo-neck top are perfect. When in doubt, wear black. I have never been particularly interested in fashion. Like food, clothes are intended to meet a basic human need. Provide warmth and protection. I have quite enjoyed wearing work clothes these past two months. I would quite like todazzle, though.
“A good surprise. You’re the best,” I say. Alice knows what I like and tolerate in terms of fashion.
“Just one more question. You never told me what you did with the coffee and the cup.”
“The coffee?”
“I mean, did you throw it in the sink, put it on display in the college hall for everyone to see what a douche he was...?” she says.
“I drank the coffee. And recycled the cup.”
ALEX
Personal Calendar
• NEW EVENT:Head to Calle’s
• NEW TASK:Do inventory of stuff that’s left
• NEW TASK:List bed, sofa table and wine fridge for sale on Facebook Marketplace
Notice that the place has emptied since I was there last. It’s a constant real-life game ofWhat is gone?each time I visit. When Calle had just died, only his wallet was missing, safely in the police station waiting to be examined by the forensic-crime team. Next, his laptop that always sat on the breakfast bar or was left on the sofa went missing, back to his workplace to be emptied, its contents filed and handed over to Dan. Then Dan moved out. He was only ever here on the weekends anyway; two years ago, he had gotten a new job in Stockholm and had begun weekly commuting. A place like this is too beautiful to be enjoyed only on weekends by a single person, he says. And recently it had been much more Calle’s place, since he was there full-time. I came over whenever I had nothing else on. Calle would joke that I saw him more than his husband did. Dan wants to sell it now, and I get it, I do. Hate the constant sentimental thoughts that keep popping up.If Dan sells his and Calle’s place, then Calle no longer has any place...
My parents and I came over and went through his belongings, helping Dan when he couldn’t face throwing things away.
“Only Calle would wear this. It should go.” (Mamma)
“I’ll bring these frames to our place to keep safe.” (Mamma)
