Page 87 of The Happiness Blueprint
“I needed space. When I got my act together, you were already about to leave. I’m sorry I wasn’t ready earlier.”
“You could have just called.”
“You hate phone calls.”
“Phone calls are acceptable in an emergency. Thiswasan emergency, Alex.” He smiles at me and reaches out a hand to touch my face. I don’t stop him.
“You did nothing wrong, Klara. I said some things I should never have said to you. You saw me at my lowest point, my worst. I’m asking if you can give me a chance, having seen the worst I can be?”
The Klara I was months ago would have forgiven any man for anything, just for the promise that he wanted me for another week. That’s not why I feel myself soften and decide to forgive Alex. It’s because he isgood, and even at his worst I know I won’t doubt that.
“Why did you have me running all over terminals like a fricking plane spotter for nothing? Why weren’t you where you said you’d be?” I’m still not satisfied with his explanation. But the entries I found this morning softened me. I like the events that he’s mapped out so far.
“Sorry. I had every intention of making it to the gate, but it turned out the only ticket I could get was to Iceland and—”
“Iceland?”
“I wasn’t allowed in without a flight.”
“Well, duh.”
“I was so close to making it. But I’m here now. I came. I want to tell you that I’ve been a douche. A real one. It was my emotions talking, and I had no right to act the way I did.”
I have this vague idea that I should be upset despite the apology, out of principle. But somehow I’m not, somehow these small words have punched a hole in my anger and replaced it with happier feelings—much happier feelings.
“You were hurt. I get it. Listen, if I could take it back. All of it. That sleazy moron—”
“The murderer, you mean.”
“Hanna told me. I’m glad he was caught. I’m guessing someone brought you up to speed on why he was fired—whyI fired him?”
“Yes, I know all about him now. Which only sweetens the fact that we won—he’s an asshole, a selfish prick. His alcohol level was through the roof, and the fact he fled the scene after made it an easy day for our team. His defense that he didn’t see what happened was torn up when the witness was brought in and recalled how he shouted at the victim on the ground. Mamma can buy the whole fricking Pride unicorn if she wants to. Which is obviously exactly what she is trying to do.” He laughs.
I stop for a moment and wonder how many sexist jokes Mateusz can get away with in prison. I decide that this is the last thought I will spend on him. Ever.
“It’s okay. It’s over.”
“So, what now?”
“I’ve come to say that I’m the most stupid man in the world, and would you please forgive me? I’m happy to wait while you ask Google for advice. In fact, let’s do it together—” He pulls up Google and types inShould you forgive the person who loves you the most?Warm feelings flood me, and I would like nothing more than to take a screenshot of his words.Lovein writing.
“I thought you hated me,” I say as we both read off the screen, and I draw a big sigh of relief that the search engine is on my side.
“Hated you? Klara, even when I was so angry I couldn’t bring myself to see you or hear you out, I never hated you. I love you, and I want to do it all, to do lifewithyou. The house, the morning coffee, the shared duvet, the hypo snack-stocking. I want to see what you look like at forty. And at eighty. If you think you can forgive me, that is.”
“Alex, I’ve already forgiven you.” I’m amazed at the ease with which it comes out.
We kiss like there is a film crew present, like our only instruction is to complete a scene titled The Love Kiss. It’s glorious. And brief. Phones buzz with alow soonalert, mine and his.
“Scheiße,” I say.
“Shit kebab.”
“Talk about ruining the moment.”
He digs in his jeans pockets, the ones that for months now have held sugary snacks just in case, and hands me a Kit Kat.
“We still have some things to talk about. I don’t know where home is anymore—London or Sweden. Lately it feels like all roads lead to Skåne, but I want to stay in London. I did my IELTS today, and I’m sure I passed it. I had extra time and got to wear noise-reducing earplugs. I’m not stupid after all, Alex.”
