Page 49 of The Second Chance Bus Stop
The table is already laid out, and I count four places meaning none of my brothers are here. I imagine the fast excuses they would have delivered when asked to join for a midweek dinner with Sophia. There is a carafe of water and a bread basket in the middle. The whole house smells of deep cedarwood candle this time. I wish Mum would stick to one scent and not keep changing them.
Mum reappears and presses a glass of Prosecco in my hand then turns to Blade.
‘Sophia’s co-worker. We’ve heard so much about you.’ I cringe. Actually, so much forso much. If I remember correctly I have mentioned Blade in two fleeting group chat contributions and one phone call. And it hits me. I didn’t tell themhe’s my co-worker. Is it that unlikely that I’d turn up with an actualdate? A man who might be interested in me romantically? Not even my own mother thinks it’s possible for me to find love, so what hope is there? I mean, fine, I’ve brought a man home. Or even a boy when I was younger. But still. I feel the heat climb my cheeks and look at the floor.
‘Thank you for having me. I’m Blade.’ He produces a bottle of something red from a plastic carrier bag, which I hadn’t noticed before. ‘And actually, I came herewithSophia. I’m here with Sophia.’ He sounds almost as awkward as I do but I know what he’s trying to say.Thank you. Oh God. Thank you!I need to chip in. Mum looks at us both.
‘Yes, we came here together, Blade and I.’ I wave my hand between us. ‘He drove us here in his, well, in Sixt’s vehicle.’ I see Blade’s eyes light up with amusement, which, unfortunately, I take as an encouragement to continue my monologue. ‘I still have my car, and my driver’s licence is not in need of renewal until next year, but the car is a very big car and it makes me nervous, so in the end it was a great thing that Blade drove us here.’
‘I see,’ Mum says. ‘Sophia, you look very nice tonight. Did you put makeup on?’
I simply nod.
I push the food around my plate mindlessly. Somehow food always tastes less appealing when I need to use multiple utensils and a napkin properly and more delicious when it’s eaten in private with hands or just the one fork.
‘I keep saying that Sophia needs some time off. She’s always working,’ my dad says in his strong Swedish accent.
‘I like work. It’s relaxing and enjoyable. Job descriptions are clear and easy to carry out.’
‘We’re going on a cruise to the Med in July, just organised the upgrade to a balcony suite. You should take a holiday sometime, Sophia,’ Mum says.
‘I don’t enjoy travelling,’ I say. They know this. Travelling is not a break, to me. It’s an extra workload of packing and unpacking and writing lists of what you might otherwise forget. It’s getting used to a new place and not sleeping well the first night. Then when you’re just about used to it, it’s time to leave. I’m about to interject that my uncle didn’t like travelling either, and then I remember that apparently that’s not true. He did travel, at least once. The reassurance I’ve always felt that he waslike me—that there issomeonethat I’m like—is somehow rocked by the discovery that he lived abroad. Maybe I’m not like anyone, after all.
‘The weather will be perfect in July. Hot but a change from here.’ Blade says, continuing the holiday talk. I can’t help but smile.
‘Have you been there?’
‘Well, no, this is my first holiday in quite a while,’ he says and my parents don’t quite know what to say. A whole dinner in English is too much for them to handle, and they go back to offering sauce and wine.
I sit quietly, because whilst we’re on the topic of work and holidays, I could also say that I’ve been working every hour possible for the past five years to prove I can run the business. That if I lose my business I won’t know who I am any longer. I am happy to exist as the Sophia who owns a flower shop, but if I’m justSophia,I’m simply one of the other 100,752 women in Sweden with that first name. For the second time this evening it’s as if Blade has read my mind. Or, rather, my feelings.
‘But speaking of work, Sophia seems really good at what she’s doing. The business seems to be thriving. This whole triphas been really successful so far, and Vincent seems to be really pleased with her work. But I imagine it’s not easy for her, not knowing the future of the shop.’
My mum carefully finishes chewing before replying.
‘My brother was very proud of his shop and wanted to make sure that it would be properly taken care of and run successfully, which is quite understandable. Especially given Sophia’s...challenges.’
I shrink. I attempt to eat a potato because otherwise I will simply confirm to the whole table that I do havechallenges.But no, look at me, at least I’m not challenged by eating this potato here, even if it did touch the sauce. I swallow it with great difficulty, the traces of sauce tickling and burning my throat as it descends.
‘Well, she’s excelling. She’s been running a business for four years now, and not just making it work but making it work successfully, from what I can see. I couldn’t run a business for a year if you asked me to. I can’t imagine wanting to end the beautiful thing your daughter has created.’
Dad coughs. Then looks at Mum.
‘Could you pass me the salt, please?’
While we wait for dessert I walk around the room pressing my index finger into the flower pots along the windowsills, checking the moistness.
‘Sophia.’ I jump. ‘We do water our plants.’ How can I explain again that I don’t doubt it, Ihaveto press my fingers into the soft soil? Mum goes on. ‘We’ve discussed this and you know how I detest this type of controlling, ritual behaviour. What would your old therapist Karin say?’
Karin.If asked who I wouldn’t want to meet in a dark alleyway my answer would have to be Karin, closely followed by the Portaloo bully.
‘I do it to Lina’s plants also. She doesn’t mind.’
My dad and Blade appear behind us, trying to break up the tension by showing family pictures on the mantelpiece.
‘That’s Sophia there, crying over Santa.’ He laughs.
‘I was scared of Santa too. Didn’t really have a father figure so a man barging into the house with gifts was a bit of a terrifying concept to me,’ Blade says.
