Page 67 of The Second Chance Bus Stop
‘But he hated planes. I didn’t even know he owned a passport. The only holiday of sorts he took was when he drove to Germany to buy cheap wood crates for plantation. He told me he was an oak, aQuercus robur,because his roots were so strong and he planned to grow a hundred years old. In Sweden.’ The statement brings a wave of sadness—he didn’t grow like an oak. The image of a chopped-down tree, its rings visible on the stump, comes to me. If you trace the rings with your finger and count them you find out how many years the tree grew for. I imagine an oak tree stump now, fifty-two rings. He died way too early.
‘Well, he definitely spent time in England.’
Blade is waiting outside when we come out of the restaurant. He’s still to take off his beanie, not even for a second, even during this heatwave. As we arrive at the car and I sit down, I realise that he remembers things. Like that I want my seat warmer on. Constantly. Things that he shouldn’t remember. No one else does. When I was a child no one reminded me to take a snack becauseBig girls pack their own school bag, Sophiaso I’d arrive at the dinner table famished and with a feeling of mystomach being turned inside out from emptiness. But Blade just casually drops little hints. Or actual snacks. In my lap.
‘What’s this?’
‘It’s a cereal bar. I thought it was a decent one because it seemed the biggest brand in there.’
‘Why is it in my lap though?’
‘Thought you may want to eat it. I take it you didn’t finish your food so there’s room for it.’
Well, no, I hadn’t. Too many thoughts in my head. Too many things to look at outside the window. Too many Vincents opposite me.
I open it and turn towards the window when I eat, aware of each crunching sound my jaw makes.
I message Lina.
Me:Blade hands out snacks at the right time. Continuously. Feel strange. Might have to hand flap for release.
Lina:Wow. He seems to have evoked quite an emotional response in you. You only hand flap stim when I put on Bambi.
Me:I DON’T LIKE ANIMALS DYING ON ME.
Lina:Exactly: Blade reaction is right up there with an orphaned-deer kid reaction. Just saying...
I close the conversation and notice twenty-three new messages in my family chat. There’s an instant stress ball at the base of my stomach, but I open the thread. I can ignore up to twenty messages, but any more than that I need to at least chime in with a one-liner.
Me:All good. Working hard and keeping busy. Vincent is happy enough. Thank you for the pictures and updates everyone.
Then five minutes later I open it up again.
Me:Did my uncle go to England before I was born?
Mum:He lived there for a year, yes, then started the shop. Not sure what happened to him there as he never travelled anywhere after that trip!
Blade
Linköping
Have definitely been a carer for too long. Now that the person I care for is in a different country, I replace her with other people. Other people like Sophia. She’s none of my business. An adult with her actual life together. Business owner, own apartment, cashmere sweaters. All at twenty-five. But can I stop caring for her? Nope. I note when she eats and I try to be one step ahead. I count how many glasses of water she drinks a day. Fuck—am I creepy? Just not used to being free.
‘Did you know that my uncle’s profit was only marginally bigger than mine?’
Sophia says from my right. ‘When times were hard he had lodgers. First his old university friend and then a refugee through a council programme. I’d forgotten about it. Or assumed it was a favour and that he didn’t get paid. He also went to England, to London, I learnt. All this time I had no idea.’
I freeze.
‘London?’
‘Yes, London. City in the United Kingdom with ten million inhabitants and landmarks such as Big Ben and the London Eye.’
‘Did he ever talk to you about... his trip? Someone he met during the trip? A woman...?’
She looks at me as if I’ve asked a highly inappropriate question, like what colour underwear she’s wearing today.
‘No. He said I was the only girl for him.’
