Page 70 of The Second Chance Bus Stop
Part Three
So I’m not moving, I’m not moving.
—The Script
Edith
London
I can still see his face when I close my eyes. Which I do a lot. Finally this disease did something nice for me. The lights are much too bright, and it turns out Zara is disappointingly nervous in an emergency situation. I half wished they had told her there was no room in the ambulance and could she jog behind it, please? The way she squeezes my hand then lets go as if I’m more fragile than I was yesterday and she shouldn’t be touching me gives me an urge to push her and her concern away.
I try to remember what undies I put on today then want to laugh out loud because there’s a habit that obviously never dies for you. Do mothers still say that to daughters today?Always wear your best knickers because you never know if you’re going to have an accident and go to hospital.As if a girl has to look decent even when hurt.
Then I realise that I won’t be able to go to the bus stop today, and the physical stab that follows that thought, always, without fail, is a little bit weaker than usual. Because I may see Sven again in my visions, I may even be able to learn to call him to me whenever I want. Like a particularly beautiful dream you can call on.What will you dream tonight?I’d askBlade at bedtime.About a fire engine and lots of red gummy bears. What about you, Mummy? And I’d say, I’ll dream about you and me. Maybe we’ll go on holiday somewhere warm, pick shells on the beach and smuggle them back in our suitcases.
Well, now I will plan to dream of Sven.
I’m still groggy and soft-limbed from medication when Zara walks back in, coffee in hand.
‘Hi, Edith. I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you woke up. Or when it happened.’
‘You came.’ Coming is what matters. Or wanting to come.
‘I talked with the doctor and with Blade. You broke your femur, which means you’ll have difficulty getting around for a while. It’s going to be a tough recovery, they said, but you will recover.’
‘I’ve broken a lot of things in my life. Nails, promises, hearts. It all turned out okay.’
She goes to sit next to me on a chair that’s already pulled in place. She must have been sitting there whilst I slept.
‘I’m glad you’re so positive.’
‘Could you be so kind as to pass me my phone?’
‘Here. I’ve charged it.’ She hands it to me, and I see no missed calls from Blade and no missed called from the random Swedish number attempting to dig up the past without my permission, delivering truths I don’t want to hear.
‘I think it’s started now,’ I say to Zara finally. ‘The breaking down slowly, slowly. I didn’t feel it before, when I was younger. I think when it’s either your body or your mind you don’t notice all that much? You compensate. Like when you lose your sight and your hearing becomes sharper as a result. But when a bone is broken and I also smell dead rat and think that coffee is kept in the freezer, then it’s quite obvious, isn’t it?’
‘I wouldn’t call you broken.’
‘Tell me. How has it gone with Eliza? She brought me a doughnut yesterday from a big box that she had in the office.’
‘She’s lovely.’
‘That’s what I say about the GP or a particularly handsomely risen Yorkshire pudding. Not about a young woman you’re dating.’
Zara laughs.
‘Okay. She’s fucking hot, and I think I really,reallylike her. Better?’
‘Much.’
Sophia
Linköping
When I get back late afternoon, having walked the short distance from the bus stop, Blade isn’t there so I undress and walk down to the lake for a swim. It’s warmer now, and I don’t even hesitate as I walk in. I dip my whole head under, tricking a swarm of mosquitos that fly above the surface searching for me in vain. I walk back barefoot with my body dripping water onto the forest path. I think that Blade’s sweater would be nice right about now, the black one with the soft lining that he cut the tag off for me. Except when I get inside there is no sweater. There is no Blade. In fact, everything of Blade’s is gone. I feel myself start to tremble. He should be here waiting for me along with all his things that he’s moved into the camper-van from the tent.
Where did you go?I message him.
