Page 71 of The Second Chance Bus Stop
Blade:Mum is hurt. I had to leave. I’m sorry. Speak soon.
I’m too much in shock to reply.He’s left me, that’s all I can think. After all that, he didn’t even say goodbye. He just left.
Speak soon can mean either I’ll call you within the nexthour, or what my history of almost-kissing men has taught that it’s more likely to mean—never.
Here’s the sad but true thing. A lot of people are like roses—Rosaceae. Beautiful, sweet-smelling and popular. But underneath the perfect display they are prickly, ready to hurt you. If times get hard, and the environment isn’t exactly what they wanted, they revert to their true state of being, boring and unscented. This is exactly what has happened with Blade—and I should have seen it coming. Life is this endless confusion. Why I can’t read people properly. Because this shouldn’t have happened. He shouldn’t have left. He said I could trust him, that Ishouldtrust him. But why would I trust someone who can walk away, just like that?
I want to shout. I never change my routine for anyone, but then you became my routine despite all odds, and now you changed it!I’m melt-downing so much I just sit and rock on the floor, and deep down I know it’s my own fault for falling so hard. It’s like I’ve waited all these years and finally released all the feelings I’d bottled up, unleashing them on this one man.I calm down slowly, and my senses start to catch up. I imagine Blade’s arms around me, squeezing tight and pushing all the anxiety away. That helps. Because though I’m crying over him, he’s the one I want to take the pain away.
Blade
Copenhagen
I don’t know how Mattias got my number, but here we are, I’m standing in the open space of the Oresund train heading back to the airport listening as he berates me. I don’t even care that there’s a couple within earshot who can probably hear it all.
‘Fuck you, man.’
‘I don’t know what you think I’ve done, but I didn’t mean to hurt your sister.’
‘Well, from here, it looks like you stalked her, conned her into joining you on your research trip that no one understands, took advantage of her and then abandoned her in a camper-van hours from her home.’
‘Do you think I planned this? To find out that Sophia was a part of this and to then fall for her? Then to leave her? Look, I am sorry, and I’ll explain everything to her. But my mum got hurt and I’m all she has—literally, there’s no one else. I don’t have a choice.’
I hold my phone away from my ear, in anticipation of what I know will be more imminent shouting.
‘Bullshit. Everyone has a choice. And you should have thought yours through more carefully before involving mysister. She’s different. Vulnerable. Not like other girls. You don’t just leave like that.’
His words trigger something inside me.
‘You haven’t seen what she’s capable of. She’s not like other girls, you’re right. She’s so much more.’
‘What do you know about it? You don’t even know her. You met her, what, eight days ago?’
‘I’m not too sureyouknow her. Where was this big-brother, protective act when she was a kid? When she actually needed it? When your parents and her therapists made her life a living hell, where were you then?’
I press the phone to my ear now, because he’s gone quiet suddenly. I can hardly pick up what he’s saying.
‘You don’t understand.’
‘Sure I do. You weren’t in her corner.’
He’s suddenly very quiet.
‘We didn’t think we could question anything. They were our parents, and there were professionals taking care of Sophia. Helping her. Yeah, it felt fucking wrong, but who was I to say something when I was just a kid too? So I would give her my sweets. I asked her how she was doing even if she never answered, and I let her play with my friends even if they didn’t usually allow girls.’
‘Okay, I get that. You were a kid too. We all do what we can, and we all screw up. Me included.’
‘Boy, did you screw up. You just left her like that, all alone? She said she thought you understood her, you always slowed down and explained things so that she could understand. You should have known you couldn’t just walk away like that, with no explanation.’
I stay still for a moment, then I let his words sink in, processing what they mean.
‘I had to leave, there wasn’t time, but when I come back I will go straight to her. I’ll explain everything, answer any questions she has. Let me fix this, yeah? Because even if I don’t deserve her, I can tell you that I want to be in her corner. I want to sort this out.’
There is a long silence, and I think he’s hung up on me when finally he speaks.
‘That’s you and me both. But I’m not sure what she wants.’
Sophia
