Page 81 of Embers of You
Sutton: Sounds like we both need to get off work, so it can be a reality.
I adjust myself in my pants, annoyed with myself that I’m so desperate for her when there’s really nothing I can do about itright now. But knowing she wants to fulfill my fantasies with me has to be enough for now.
Sutton: You know, for how much you’ve mentioned wanting to tie me up, I’m a little disappointed you haven’t done it yet.
Just when I thought I couldn’t be harder, she had to go and say that.
Jameson: Sounds like we have to change that the next time we’re alone.
Sutton: Guess so.
I’m pretty sure I’m in love with this girl.
I think I’ve loved her since the first moment I saw her, and everything afterwards has only made me fall harder. I know I can’t tell her, because she would likely freak out. Admitting it to myself will have to be enough for now. At least until the day I can say the words to her without her freaking out and running away again. If there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that I can’t ever lose her.
I walkinto my parent’s house to get Duke after my shift, and don’t see him curled up in his bed in the living room. I also don’t see Ma anywhere. I call out for her, but there’s no response. I’m immediately on edge. She didn’t say she was going anywhere and I don’t want her out somewhere no one knows about. She could be hurt or a million other things. I call out for her again, walking deeper into the house.
The bedroom door is shut, and I open it slowly. “Ma?” I hear a snore and a shuffle before the sound of Duke’s paws patter across the floor. I open the door wider and see Ma is sleeping, my worry heightening. It’s not unusual for her to take a nap, but she’s usually quick to wake up if I call for her.
I approach the side of her bed, lightly shaking her and her eyes shoot open. I let out a sigh of relief I didn’t realize I was holding.
“Since when are you against me napping? You’re the one always telling me to rest,” she teases, her voice groggy but she has a small smile on her face.
“I’m not, you should rest.”
“Well, now I’m up.” She starts to sit up and I help her, though she tries to shake me off.
“Have you seen your dad?”
“Not yet, I just got in.”
“I really think you should try talking to him. I know it’s hard, Jameson, but I think you both are misunderstanding each other. He said something about needing help with the cattle, maybe you could find common ground like you used to.”
I don’t have the heart to tell her I’ve tried and that it’s gotten us nowhere. Instead, I nod. “I’ll try, Ma.”
“Good, and bring Sutton for dinner soon.”
I chuckle and repeat, “I’ll try.”
Duke follows me out, hopping up into my truck with me and I drive us toward my house, making sure to pass by the cattle onthe way. If he’s not there, then I guess I’ll have to try something else.
He’s out there, standing by the paddock just looking out like I’ve seen him do a few times now. Part of me wonders what he’s thinking about, why he does this instead of spending time with Ma. If all the work is done why not go be with your wife instead of staring out at the landscape.
I approach him. “Ma said you needed help with something?”
He doesn’t even look at me as I step up next to him; he just continues to look out. “I’ve got it.”
I sigh. “Why do you do that?”
“Do what?”
“Shut me out. Not make an effort for our relationship?”
He scoffs.
“What do you think? Do you think you’re putting an effort in here? Do you think Ma is happy with the way things have been since I came back? What’s the point of being so pissed at me?”
“You don’t know anything about what it was like after you left. You couldn’t run away fast enough. I wanted this place for you and all you wanted to do was leave it. Now you want everything to be perfect?”
