Page 86 of Embers of You
Sutton
My ears are ringingas Emily breaks down and Jameson holds her, making sure she doesn’t collapse on the floor. This can’t be real. None of this feels real. I’m waiting for the doctor to say he’s made a mistake, that he meant to tell that to another family, but he doesn’t.
Instead he just repeats, “I’m so sorry.”
Jameson holds his mom as they cry, and my own tears fall, but I’m completely silent, feeling out of place and like I’m imposing. Jameson keeps his mom tucked against him as he reaches for me. I almost back away because there’s no way he actually wants me to be here right now. His hand finds mine and he pulls me closer, wrapping an arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his side while his mom sobs into his chest.
We all just cry.
At one point Jameson and his mom go back, and I wait, feeling like I should leave, but I’m also the only one that has a car here. I don’t want to make things worse or uncomfortable, but I do want to be here for Jameson.
For his mom, too. Even if I don’t know her very well, I feel like we’ve connected in some way. I just can’t imagine what Jameson’s going through, with his mom being sick, and now losing his dad. And having to see what happened to his dad. My heart aches for him. All I want is to take him in my arms and never let him go. As long as he wants to be there, I want him to be.
Eventually, they come out and we leave the hospital. There’s a heaviness surrounding all of us as we walk to the car. No one says anything, and the night feels dull even with the full moon shining in the sky. The emptiness is especially evident as we all climb into my Jeep, and I start to get into the driver’s seat, but Jameson silently guides me to the backseat with his mom and gets in to drive instead.
Emily holds onto my hand and I hear her silent sobs. I wish more than anything there was something I could do to make this better, but I know there’s not. All I can do is just be here.
The drive back is the quietest, heaviest, and darkest drive I’ve ever experienced. It doesn’t get better once we come back. Jameson cuts the engine on my car, and it’s even more silent. No one moves, we all just sit still as if we don’t know what to do.
Jameson is the first to get out, and he opens the door to help his mom out. She holds onto him like he’s her lifeline. Which I guess he probably is.
He extends his other hand for me, which I take easily. I want to stay, but I need to check on Bennet. As soon as Parker called I grabbed Duke, brought him back here to get Emily, then rushed to the hospital.
After we get inside, Emily quietly says, “I’m going to bed.”
“Do you need me to do anything, Ma?” Jameson’s voice cracks slightly.
She shakes her head. “I’ll see you in the morning.”
What do you do after your life gets flipped upside down? How do you keep living and doing things like nothing has changed when in fact, everything has changed.
“I should go home,” I whisper once we’re alone.
“Please stay,” he pleads, pulling me closer.
“I need to check on Bennet,” I tell him reluctantly because truly I don’t want to leave.
“We can go get him.”
“Jameson, you shouldn’t leave your mom.”
I can tell he wants to argue, but then closes his mouth because he knows I’m right.
“I’ll get him, and come back,” I compromise.
He cups my face. “I would feel better if I could drive you.”
I nod in understanding. “I’ll be careful.”
He hesitates to let me go, even as he removes his hands from my face, and intertwines our fingers to walk me out to my car. He pulls me in, crashing our lips together. He pours everything into our kiss. His sadness, his fears, his feelings toward me. Everything is said between us without words.
When he finally lets me go, I promise once again to be safe and that I’ll be right back. I see him in my rearview mirror as I drive away, and the look on his face has me feeling guilty for thetimes I’ve run previously, because it’s clear he thinks that’s about to happen again.
But it’s not. I’m done running.
As quickly and safely as I can, I pick Bennet up and drive back to Jameson’s house. The relief on his face when he sees me again is evident and has my shoulders dropping as I let out a sigh. Bennet bounds out of my car, pressing right up to Jameson who greets him with a pat on his head.
“Hi,” I breathe, and he immediately pulls me in once again like he needs to constantly be touching me. I let him because I’ll give him anything he wants or needs. And I want the physical touch just as much as he does. “How are you doing?”
