Page 98 of Embers of You
“Yeah, well he had a funny way of showing it, and I’m sorry it hurts you, Ma, but I just don’t think I was the son he wanted. He wanted someone who wanted to stay here forever. He wanted someone to be just like him and I was too different. Did he tell you about our fight we had right before…” I’m not able to say the wordshe died.
“He did.”
“Really? What did he say?”
“He said he didn’t know how to talk to you.”
“That’s true.”
“Not how you’re thinking. He felt like he always said the wrong thing to you, and didn’t know how to make it better. Yes, he could come off abrasive, but honey, that’s how he always was. He wanted you to know how he felt, but couldn’t ever get his point across in a way that worked for the both of you.” She pauses and I can tell she’s close to crying. “He got his one wish when it came to you. You got my heart. You always see the good in everyone, but it also made you more sensitive than you want to let on.”
I can’t argue with her, it’s true. And of course she knows it.
“I’ve loved your father for the majority of my life, and the way he showed his love for me was different, it took getting used to, but I did. With you it’s like he never quite figured out a way to show you in a way you both understood.” She pulls out another piece of paper, this one is an envelope and hands it to me.
I furrow my brows looking at the envelope addressed to me. “What’s this?”
“Read it when you want to hear from him again.”
“What?”
“Not now. Go get some rest, and then go sit somewhere that makes you feel connected to him, and read it.”
I clutch the envelope tightly and nod, standing up because the exhaustion is hitting me even more now.
Duke is curled up on his bed by the wall, I nod toward him. “Do you think he’s okay? Should I take him to the vet to check him out?”
“I think he knows his favorite person isn’t around anymore, and he’s just as sad as us.”
My eyes shoot back over to her. “His favorite person? I thought that was you and that’s why he always wanted to be over here.”
She laughs softly. “Oh no, honey. Duke latched onto your dad right away when you weren’t around. He would follow him around when you were working, he was his shadow.”
The guilt stabs me in the gut, I didn’t even notice how much my own dog liked him. I nod, not sure what to say. I turn to leave, but she stops me, calling my name gently.
“I don’t know what is going on between you and Sutton, but don’t let your pain push her away completely.”
I give her a soft smile, not having the heart to tell her that I think I already have. When I go up to my room, Duke chooses to stay where he’s already settled and that’s okay because as soon as my head hits the pillow I’m asleep, still clutching the envelope Ma gave me.
CHAPTER 46
Jameson
After sleepingfor so long I question what day it is when I finally wake up. I panic about needing to take care of the animals and if I missed Ma’s appointment. But when I realize it’s dark out and I just slept the day away I calm down a bit. Though, I hate that my schedule is about to be messed up. I get dressed to go out to do all the chores I neglected all day.
I’m about to walk out my bedroom door when I see the envelope lying on the bed that I almost forgot about. I debate with myself for a moment before picking it up and putting it in my back pocket. I don’t know if I’m going to read it now, or ever, but at least I’ll have it with me.
Duke doesn’t follow me out, and I don’t blame him, it’s late after all, but the other animals are hungry and I’m sure the horses aren’t too happy that their stalls are dirty.
Once I get down to the barn, I turn the lights on and take a peek in Sandy’s stall first, only to see it’s almost completely clean. It definitely has been mucked today at least. I check all the others and it’s the same. Ma shouldn’t be down here doing this,and I feel even worse that she felt the need to. I hope she didn’t feed them.
My eyes catch on a small whiteboard we have hung up that we used to use, but lately it’s just been covered in dirt and I didn’t even know we had a dry erase marker for it. There’s a note, and I’m surprised to see who it’s from.
Cleaned up the stalls, didn’t feed them though. Thought you might need the help.
-Wes
I’ll have to thank him the next time I see him. I wonder if Ma knows that he came down here or not, but I guess it doesn’t matter. I feed them all and then leave for the night, going to the cattle next. The goats, who make it known they aren’t happy with the late dinner come next, and thankfully the chickens are all back in their coop, so I lock them inside, and finally feed the pigs.
