Page 128 of Playing Dirty
“Theo, I’mdriving.Would you just take the damn thing?”
“Or you could stop trying to force me to keep it.”
His returning glare is made of ice when he growls out, “I can’t hide it again, it’s against the rules. You and I both know that.”
“No one else would know if you did it,” I point out.
“It doesn’t matter.Iwould know.”
“Then why did you take me there in the first place?” I scoff, tossing the pennant onto his dashboard. I can’t touch the stupid thing another second longer. “And if it doesn’t mean anything to y—”
“Youmean something to me, Theo.Youdo.” The words come out with a bite of anger, of barely-contained rage, before he glares daggers at the pennant. “That’s why I made the rule about the Penny Play to begin with. Because, you’re right. That fucking thing? I don’t give two shits about it. But you do, okay? And that’s fine. So take it back to your teammates and put an end to this. Because the longer it’s in my possession, the longer it serves as a fucking reminder of why you won’t be with me.”
Despite the anger and frustration evident in his tone, his voice cracks on the last few words. It’s nearly imperceptible, and if I wasn’t hanging on every single syllable leaving his lips, I wouldn’t have caught it. Not the splintering of his composure, nor the subtlety in his word choice.
Because he saidwon’t,notcan’t.
Iwon’tbe with him.
As if implying there is a choice; a decision between one thing and another—overanother.
I slowly reach out for the pennant before holding it up between us, my voice coming out as barely more than a whisper.
“You think I’d choose this over you?”
There’s a hint of sadness in his eyes when he glances at me before returning his attention to the road. He doesn’t even try to hide it, and I think that breaks me even more.
“Haven’t you already?” he asks, voice grated and raw. “Is the rivalry not the reason why none of your friends know about me? Why I have to sneak into the townhouse through your bedroom window?”
“That’s why I come to your house instead now. So we don’t have to sneak around anymore.”
I catch his fingers tightening around the steering wheel, knuckles turning white when he mutters, “You’re missing the point.”
“Then what is it?”
“That I’m tired of hiding. I keep choosing you, breaking my rules for you, putting you first. Hell, I’m risking my mom’s happiness,for you.”
“And why do you think I don’t want it?” I shout, damn near at my wits end. “How else can I prove to you that you matter more to me? That what I told you after the game is true. That this is real.”
“I know it’s real. I see it every time you look at me.”
“Then why—”
“Because I love you, okay? God, I thought that’d be fucking obvious.” A soft, exasperated laugh leaves him, and he shakes his head. “I love you so much, sometimes I fucking hate you for it—for making me fall to the point where I’d abandon everything else for you. Because I would. I’d sell my team out and give you the pennant. I’d hand my soul over to Hades himself if it made you smile.” He licks his lips and releases a resounding sigh. “You’re the one I’d turn around for, Theo. Over and over again.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks, instantly pulling me back to the conversation we’d had earlier. About Orpheus and trust and love. Aboutwhat it means to turn around—because that’s what loving someone is.
And just like that, I understand what he’s trying to do.
“Can you say something, please?” he asks, breaking the silence I’ve let linger for too long.
I turn to look at him—at this man I never knew I needed—and I know I feel the same. In my heart of hearts, I know I’d go to the ends of the Earth for him, and that includes betraying my team. There’s no other alternative.
I couldn’t live with myself if I betrayed my heart.
But when I go to speak, to tell him I love him too, I don’t hear the words. My lips move, but where my voice should be, there’s another sound entirely. A symphony of car horns, squealing tires, and glass shattering before the crunching of metal on metal steals the breath from my lungs.
And the emotion glowing there in Madden’s eyes? It’s not love—not anymore. It’s horror.
