Page 47 of Playing Dirty
“Well, yeah,” he says with a laugh. “Like I said, that’s a super reductive way to look at it, but it was also what helped me kinda…process, I guess.”
Nodding a couple times, I mutter, “At least I know it’s normal.”
“Normal is relative. You’re completely valid no matter how you feel. I panicked, yeah. But I’m sure if you asked Holden, for example, he might tell you that the moment he realized he was bi was completely different.” Quinton shrugs and crosses his arms. “Your experience is your own. You can process and explore it in whatever way feels natural to you.”
“And if you don’t want to, that’s fine too,” Oakley adds earnestly.
Quinton is quick to nod in agreement. “But if thisissomething you decided to explore, don’t get hung up on if it’s an even 50/50 split. There’s no right or wrong with this, and it doesn’t make you any less bi if you end up leaning in one direction more than the other.”
I nod a couple times, doing my best to commit his words to memory. Knowing me, it’s something I’m gonna need to remember as I navigate myway through this unexpected part of who I am.
Oakley takes a step away from the camera, pulling their abandoned dinner from the stove. While he’s scraping it into the trash, he pauses and looks back up, laughing a little.
“You know, I probably should’ve seen this coming when we all caught you and Camden making out that one time.”
Jesus Christ, does every single one of my friends remember this apart from me?
I guess it’s karma for giving Holden shit about forgetting the first time he and Phoenix hooked up.
Pinning Oakley with a glare, I mutter, “It wasCam, and he kissed me first. I hardly think it counts. Which is exactly what I told Phoenix, by the way.”
“Yeah, it was more than kissing from my recollection.” Oakley pauses, realizing how he made it sound, before quickly backtracking. “Not like that. I just mean it was very…passionate for it to be just a kiss between twostraightfriends.”
His observation gives me pause.
I clearly chalked whatever happened with Cam up as a one-off, separating it as an isolated incident that’s in a completely different category than what happened with Madden. But maybe…they’re exactly the same.
Maybe I’ve been looking at this from the wrong angle.
Maybe this is something that’s been right under the surface the whole time, but I wrote it off because I’ve always been more noticeably attracted to women.
“That’s a lightbulb moment if I’ve ever seen one.” Quinton’s face lights up like he just hit the jackpot, and a slow smile creeps over his lips. “Look at that. You’re already less of a baby bi than me.”
“You couldn’t resist, could you?” Oakley mutters, glaring at Quinton.
“And pass up an opportunity to get under your skin? I think not,”Quinton teases before shifting his gaze back to me. “You good?”
“Yeah. I think so.” I release a long, slow breath and nod before tacking on, “Thank you, Quinton. Seriously.”
He waves me off and shrugs. “Eh, don’t mention it. I’m around if you need me.”
He’s been far more helpful than he realizes.
Because those two questions he mentioned? If I apply them to Madden, they’re both a resounding yes. I just really fucking wish they weren’t.
That’s a problem for me to solve on my own, though. I’ve taken up enough of their time.
“Well, now that we’ve got that figured out, I’m gonna dip. I still have shit to get done tonight.”
“Yeah, and we need to order dinner, apparently,” Quinton mutters while eyeing the charred pan in Oakley’s hand.
“Wait, but aren’t you gonna tell us who the lucky guy is?” Oakley asks. There’s a beat before his eyes bug out, and he points at the camera. “Oh my God, was it Cam again?”
“It wasn’t Cam,” I say with a laugh, shaking my head.
Unfortunately, it’s someone a whole lot worse than that.
Fourteen
