Page 58 of Playing Dirty
“So what are you gonna do about it?”
I toss my hand up and gawk at him. “Jesus Christ. I don’t know, Miles. Can we not play this game of Twenty Questions right now?”
There’s a brief second where he’s silent, pursing his lips while staring at me, and just when I think he’s gonna drop it…
“Just be careful, okay?” he says, and his expression turns into one ofconcern. “For as long as I’ve known you, you’re not the type to do things halfway. I’d hate to see you wind up breaking all your rules for someone who wouldn’t do the same.”
The words are a punch to the gut, because…that’s just the problem, isn’t it?
When it comes to guys, I’ve been disciplined as hell these past two and a half years. I’ve had a few hookups, went out on a couple dates—some as recent as this fall—but I don’t let them distract me from what’s important. Why I’mreallyhere.
Baseball.
Then Theo came in—this messy ball of chaos and disarray—inflicting all this damage with one goddamn kiss, and I’d be a liar if I said it didn’t leave me a bit off balance. Even if it was just lust in the moment, it was enough to pull my attention away from my goals, not to mention the handful of other reasons this thing between us should never move past last night.
But if there’s even the slightest chance it wasn’t a fluke? That whatever is building between us has just begun?
Fuck. Distraction may as well be Theo’s new middle name.
So the question isn’t what am I gonna do about what’s happened. It’s a bell that can’t be unrung. Which means the next best option is to just make sure it doesn’t affect the end goal. I need to keep up my grades, get drafted, and eventually work my way to being called up.
I’ve worked too hard for it to go any other way.
Miles lets me stew in my thoughts for a bit, finishing his coffee from across the island in silence, which I’m grateful for. I don’t know if I could take going down the rabbit hole of rapid-fire questions he has at the ready. And from the way he loiters in the kitchen for a little too long, is still verymuch dying to ask.
“Oh my God, what?” I finally snap when he glances up from where he’s been meticulously washing his mugby handfor the last five minutes.
“Can I just ask one more question?”
Technically that already was one, but rather than point that out, I blow out an exasperated breath and toss my hand up for him to go for it.
“Sure. Why the fuck not?”
“Are you gonna tell your mom?” He frowns, then adds, “Assuming she doesn’t already know about why he left you, I guess.”
The question gives me pause. Not because they already know about why Theo made such a hasty departure. I didn’t offer any sort of explanation to Adam and Mom, and they didn’t ask for one. Truthfully, I think both of them were surprised Theo lasted as long as he did. I could tell Adam was disappointed he left without a word, though, with the way he kept glancing at Theo’s empty seat every time he missed a meal.
As for telling her… I don’t love the idea of keeping this a secret. It’s not like we tell each other everything, per se, but she’s always going to be my number one confidant, and this could severely impact her life too. If she and Adam were to find out, there’s a chance it could ruin their marriage, or at the very least, put a lot of strain on it.
But they aren’t going to find out,I remind myself.
Pending Theo was being honest, whatever fear or confusion sent him packing from New England isn’t going to have the same effect after actually hooking up. But there’s no way to be sure. Especially with Miles and Torin catching us.
All I can do is take him at his word and pray like hell I won’t come to regret it.
Releasing a sigh, I offer Miles the best response I can. “She doesn’tknow about any of this, and I’m not gonna tell her. Not unless I have to.”
His brows shoot up. “Well, aren’t you full of surprises lately.”
So it seems.
I’m sure as hell surprising myself too, so I can’t blame him for thinking it.
A low groan slips past my lips, and I bury my face in my palms. “This really is the dumbest thing I’ve ever done, isn’t it?”
“It’s definitely up there,” he agrees, not being the type to sugarcoat the truth.
Scrubbing my palms over my face, I lift my gaze to find his again. The surprise and amusement are still very evident in the tiny smirk on his lips and his glimmering eyes, but I don’t miss the hint of sympathy he aims my way too.
