Page 51 of Bargains with Benefits
But I wasn’t calm. I was very much not calm.
What was happening here? Mom wasn’t helping. Darius was my dad, but he was a stranger, telling me I had magic. No part of whatever was going on was calming. If I had magic like he said, would he take me away? Maybe I better not look too hard.
I was curious, though, so I searched. He said I’d have to call it if I found it, but I could skip that step if necessary.
I didn’t even find it.
Darius was patient. He took me farther down the street to the stream to try there. He thought more water might help me connect with it. Still, I didn’t find anything. It was almost darkwhen Mom came down the road and told him that was enough. Her hands were on her hips. “You’ve tried. Now leave her be.”
He glanced at Mom, then back to me. “What if I don’t want to?” he said over my head. I could tell he tried to speak quietly, but I could hear every word.
“That’s not…that wasn’t?—”
A warm calm spread through me as I stood ankle-deep in the water. I felt it then, I thought—what Darius was looking for.
Mom glanced at me as the moonlight shone, panic in her eyes. “Luna, go back to the house. I have to speak with Darius.”
My mouth opened and closed like I was a fish out of water. The feeling grew stronger—the calm, the command of the water around my ankles. I’d found what Darius was looking for; I was sure of it. Then the cold cut of Mom’s voice brought me back to reality. It made me think my fears were confirmed. If I did what Darius wanted, if I found the calm, called to it, and moved the water, he would take me away.
I wouldn’t leave Mom.
At her command, I’d jumped out of the stream and run back down the road to the house. I never heard the rest of their heated conversation, and Darius didn’t visit our village again.
Dough finally fell easilyfrom my fingers, and I was ready to let it rise. My trip down memory lane had done nothing to ease my anxiety, but at least it had helped me finish kneading. I carried the bowl to the fire and placed it on the hearth. There was nothing else to do but try and find the warmth.
Thinking about the test with Darius reminded me that Ihadfound something that day. I hadn’t doubted Vincent’s assertions about the night we met. His explanation, especially about the drink, made too much sense, but finding the calm that Dariushad asked me to seek was something I hadn’t let myself remember.
I wondered how different my relationship with Darius would be if I’d said something then—if I’d explored whatever I’d felt. Would he have known how to help me call it? I hadn’t tried because of the look on Mom’s face—terror, sadness, desperation. I’d thought we could avoid these things if only I didn’t do what Darius asked. I’d trusted Mom to know what was best.
Why had she thought not having magic was best? It was a question I should have asked myself much sooner, but none of these pieces had fit together before.
I considered the test again, how Darius had tried to find my magic. He’d had me stand in the water when nothing else helped. I’d been doing the same the night I met Vincent. Maybe I needed to be standing in the water for it to work.
There was still a little time before everyone showed up. I could go down to the sea and try it. The pattern was too much to ignore. I’d feel more foolish with all of them standing there with me, watching. With a prick of anxiety, I walked toward the steps.
I still thought of Mom often, but never these memories. My life with her had been full of love, energy, and community in our small town. The humans had looked out for each other, even as the continent changed. As much as I hadn’t wanted Darius to steal me away, I wondered if that was what he would have done. My child’s mind had made up so much to fill in so many gaps.
And so much of what I knew of Darius was through Mom’s lens.
The waves rolled along the beach as I walked to it. Each crash was another memory of Mom’s disdain.
“He only cares about power. If you don’t have any, he won’twant you,” she’d said a few years later when I asked about him again.
Another crash.
“Fae are selfish and cruel. Don’t count on them for anything.” It had been her warning mantra whenever a fae arrived in our small village.
It hadn’t occurred to me until I was much older that this also partially applied to me: I was half-fae. Mom liked to pretend I was fully human. There was never any evidence to the contrary. The only noticeable difference would be my aging, but as I was in my mid-twenties, it was nearly impossible to tell that my aging had slowed.
Waves continued to roll in, the tide rising as I slipped off my boots and stepped into the water. Perhaps Mom had done me a disservice? I wasn’t blaming her, just questioning my relationship with my fae heritage. I’d always lain all the blame for my distance from it at Darius’s feet, but…that picture now felt incomplete. I didn’t want to think I’d been so easily charmed by a man who’d ignored me for twenty-five years, but he’d seemed so genuine yesterday. He’d had no answers to my questions, but he’d focused on starting fresh, on starting over. Even how he worried about Vincent’s place in my life was confusing.
Last night, I’d been too focused on getting what I needed for Vincent’s story—an invite to the house—and now, next week, I’d be at Pierce House, and could ask what I wanted to know.
Part of me wanted to hear his side of the story. The pain of his absence wouldn’t disappear, but we could only start fresh once I understood his perspective of these childhood events. Not knowing why he’d changed his mind would eat at me worse than not having him around.
Waves crashed against the shore, but the sound was soothing. I was only ankle-deep in the water, but each roll of waves brought it a little higher on my skin. The current’s pullreminded me of the night I’d been swept away. My pulse elevated. I glanced up, breathing deeply. The sun was high, with few clouds covering it. This wasn’t the same as that night. The one night I’d slept in a room at the inn.
I focused on my magic and evening out my breath. There was no need to get worked up about the memory before I had proof. The water rolled against me, but no core of magic flared to life. My gaze roamed the horizon as I wondered what it would be like to feel the breadth of the sea with water magic. It had to be empowering to know that something so vast and encompassing was yours. I bet it was connecting, in a way, too, knowing others of your court felt the same.
