Page 61 of The Ex Effect
Needing the comfort of the familiar home, I brought us to Peaches’s house last night. The days left here were limited, and I wanted to suck up every last moment. I flicked the realtor card against the countertop as the coffee pot brewed to life. I’d been avoiding calling, making every excuse I could. Home renovations, wedding stuff, storage nightmares. Sure, I had some of my typical decision paralysis, but even this was to the extreme.
I tossed back my medication, then grabbed one of the two coffee mugs still left in the bare cabinets. Minus the heavy furniture, a couple of bowls, silverware, and some towels, I packed everything. My lip trembled, but I bit it to stop.I can’t believe I’m leaving this place.
How did I not appreciate it this much when I was in New York? When I’d come back and visit home, I’d spend time with Peaches, obviously, but it was maybe a day or two, tops. I was always so itchy to leave and go back to the city that I never let it fill me the way I needed. But now the idea of leaving it for good tore me apart.
Okay, okay, I needed to call the realtor today. No more excuses. I had to leave on a flight in less than a week to head back home. And honestly, the money from the sale would be a nice nest egg if I were ever out of work—which right now seemed unlikely. I wasn’t as worried about finances as maybe I would’ve been in the past. The job offer and compensation package fromBirch & Willowwas extremely generous—signing bonus, yearly bonus, and the ability to earn commissions on work outside of my normal scope. But this house was Quinn’s, too, and would provide Quinn enough of a security blanket to quit her terrible high-stress job.
I flung the card back on the counter. Maybe tomorrow I’d call. Today, I didn’t want to have conversations with anyone except Morgan. Time was slipping through my fingers, and I wanted to savor every single moment. How the hell was I supposed to leave Morgan again? I dragged my hands down my face. This job was what I wanted more than almost anything. I hit a professional high, and it’d be insane to give that up now.
But I also wanted Morgan. More than anything. Life repeated itself in almost the cruelest way possible. Two spectacular gifts, but I could only have one. God, what was I going to do? I’d bring it up to Morgan about coming with, but I already knew the answer. This town was part of Morgan’s soul. Even if she did come to New York, she wouldn’t be happy. She needed expansive land, to know everyone’s name at the store, to have the same neighbors for twenty years and be around Sam, Lisa, and the kids. In New York, she wouldn’t have any of that.
The coffee pot beeped. I filled the mug, stepped out ontothe patio, and sat on the swing. My legs pushed into the floor, and I squeaked back and forth. Yet another thing I wasn’t quite ready to let go of—the swing. This house had too many memories. How would the new family be that moved here? Would they respect the space or strip everything that made it unique? Would they fill the cellar with jars of fruit and veggies, or remodel it into a sauna to fight off those long winter nights?
The coffee warmed my body, and I closed my eyes against the morning sun. My nose filled with the scent of fresh cut grass. My brain slowly settled, allowing me to take in the morning’s stillness. When the patio door slid open, I blinked at Morgan—a beautiful, tousled-hair, plump-lipped, fresh-faced Morgan in a rumpled T-shirt and cotton shorts. I loved her in almost any way, but Morning Morgan was my favorite.
“Hey, you. Did I wake you?” I shifted and patted the seat.
“No, but the coffee did, in the best way possible.” She grinned through a yawn, her eyes crinkled with sleep. She lifted the mug to her nose and sniffed. “It’s like those Folgers commercials about the best part of waking up. I need to buy myself one of those coffee pots with automatic timers so I can wake up to the smell of coffee beans instead of my alarm clock blaring.” She slid in next to me and rested her head against my shoulder.
When I kissed the top of Morgan’s head, I nearly burst into tears.I have to tell her.“Can you believe the wedding’s all done?”
“I know. It’s pretty surreal. So much work for an eight-hour period in someone’s life.” Morgan sipped the coffee. “I have three meetings set already for next week, but then I’m taking some time off. This one really did me in.”
I stared at the trees. “I bet.”I bet? That’s all I have to offer?I had so many things to say. I wanted to tell Morgan I thought she was the most incredible person I’d ever met. That she pulled off something that very few people could, simply because of her resilience and work ethic. I wanted to tell her that she wasamazing, and beautiful, and smart as hell, and that my heart was ripping from my chest with the thought of not spending every day with her. And even if it was a rocky start, these past three months had been some of the happiest of my life.
Several moments of quiet passed when Morgan lifted herself. “Hey, are you okay?” She seemed to search my eyes for an answer as she remained silent. “I’m sure you’re as tired as me, but am I in my head? You seem so quiet.”
I looked at Morgan. Really, really looked at her. Not the eighteen-year-old I left all those years ago. But as the thirty-three-year-old woman who had always held a piece of my heart. I struggled to find words as the graduation night flooded my mind. My stomach knotted.This conversation might be what ends us for good.No matter how much more honest and mature we both might be, I wasn’t sure of either of our reactions if things got heated.
I gnawed on the side of my cheek, then let out a slow exhale. “I need to tell you something.”
Morgan lowered her mug and shifted a few inches back, her eyes folding.
“I got the job offer fromBirch & Willow.”
Morgan’s face mirrored my insides. At first, raised eyebrows and a mega-watt smile. Then the smile dropped. Tears brimmed in the corner of her eyes. “I’m so… I’m so happy for you.” Her lower lip trembled. She swiped her eye with a pinkie. “This is a dream come true.”
It really is.
“Are you…” Morgan cleared her throat. “Are you going to take it?”
I felt like shit. Did I have an obligation to tell Morgan immediately when I got the offer? Probably not. It had all happened so fast. They offered me the job, I didn’t have time to fully process, and I made an impulsive decision. Okay, maybe notthatimpulsive as I had wanted this job for as long as I couldremember. But I could have told the hiring manager that I needed twenty-four hours. “I already did.”
Morgan flinched like a pound of bricks landed on her chest. “You did?” Creases lined her forehead. “And you didn’t tell me?”
The voice was more hurt than accusatory, which was a harder emotion to process. I didn’t want to hurt Morgan. The thought of hurting Morgan made me sick. But I was an adult and made an adult decision. And…and!…we had only been a few days away from the wedding and I hadn’t wanted to derail Morgan for something inevitable.
At least, that’s what I’d told myself that day. But truth was, I also didn’t want to break our spell. Being back with Morgan was heaven, and I wasn’t ready to let that go. However, if offered again, I’d still take the job. “I’m so sorry I didn’t tell you. I wanted to, the second they offered, I was going to tell you.” I took a breath and reached for Morgan’s hand, which remained stiff.Shit. “But I thought it was selfish to burden you when you were trying to finish everything for the wedding.”
Morgan stared at the yard, her feet pushing against the porch to swing the bench. She swiped at tears and remained silent.
Say something. Do something. Christ, was I making the right decision? I thought so. I hoped so. But my heart was crushed. I wanted to touch Morgan, to hold her, but I didn’t want Morgan to run away. If I moved, Morgan might move, then this would be the last moment we’d spend together.
More time passed, maybe five, ten minutes, I wasn’t even sure, when Morgan buried her face in her hands and cried. A sob that came from so deep in her gut that I wanted to do anything to take it away. I pulled her into my chest, her vanilla-scented shampoo wafting to my nose, remembering what it really felt like to be in love. God dammit. I didn’t want to leave, either. My heart was breaking, healing, breaking, in splitseconds, like ice cracking and refreezing in the dead of winter. “I don’t know what to do.”
That was the truth. Maybe we could make a life here. Maybe Morgan would come with. Which choice was I willing to live with? Sure, I accepted the job, but maybe I could push out the start date. Or reject it altogether?
That thought also made my stomach coil. Morgan lay against my chest until her tears stopped. She was so silent I thought she fell asleep. After an eternity, Morgan lifted herself and grabbed my hand. She ran her fingertips across the top and kissed my knuckles. “I think you should go.” Morgan’s voice cracked. Her gaze shifted between my eyes, her eyebrows knitting. “I don’t want you to leave. More than anything, I want you to stay. But you need to go.”
