Page 51 of Forbidden Pregnancy
“Perfect,” CC says. “You don’t need to know. Just trust my fortune telling skills.”
Michael emerges in the living room doorway. CC and I both stop talking. It’s weird how easy it is to side with her against Michael. If there’s one thing I remember from over a decade ago, it’s that the men controlled every part of CC’s life and all the women in her family faced similar levels of control.
She only made it this far with this much freedom because she was born a rebel. Or more likely, she became one. I never completely understood Michael’s investment in his family’s traditions. At times, it felt like he saw things differently from his family and other times, it felt like he only cared about reinforcing a disturbing Italian patriarchy within his family.
I would stay with him if I knew for sure. And while we’re in hiding, I can’t really know if he’s different or just living a ‘pretend life’ with me, escaping all his family obligations while secretly considering himself a failure. CC might have insight into her brother, but maybe she’s too busy worrying about her own problems to care about Michael.
A man in his forties is sure to be a lost cause.
“Can you leave us alone, Michael? I don’t want to put a hex on you.”
“I’ll be taking you to church the first sunday after Myra gives birth,” Michael says forcefully. Their dynamic reminds me of exactly the way it used to be twelve years ago.
“Get a life, Michael,” CC says. “You’re disturbing the baby.”
“The baby ismine.He enjoys my presence and finds me comforting.”
Sadly, Michael is correct. The baby – boy or girl – won’t stop moving around at night until Michael rests his hand on my baby bump. It makes hating him and keeping my distance from Michael downright impossible.
“Keep lying to yourself, CC,” Michael says. But he leaves and I do feel some relief getting a break from Michael’s presence. He returns with a bottle of wine for CC, who pulls out a deck of her magic tarot cards and sits across from me at Michael’s large hand-carved coffee table.
“So…” CC asks while shuffling. “Has he treated you well?”
“He doesn’t let me leave.”
“Aside from that.”
“We’re getting along.”
CC shakes her head. “If Michael screws things up with you, he’s even dumber than I thought.”
“He can’t force his feelings for me,” I tell her. “And adult relationships are about far more than feelings.”
CC shakes her head and bridges the cards. “That’s such bullshit.”
I’m surprised. Normally, she gives pushback to Michael and considering she drugged me and got me in this situation, I expected a little bit of ass-kissing. Maybe it’s the teacher in me.
“Is it?” My response is the patient teacher in me talking too. There’s another version of me totally unwilling to hear pushback when it comes to my distance with Michael. Nobodyunderstands what it took for me to walk away from him.He was my first everything and it hurt that I could never really forget him.
“Yes,” she says, a smirk traveling across her heart-shaped face. When she smirks, she looks more like her brother than any other time. “He’s not forcing feelings. He loves you. I think he had a crush on you from day one. Looking back, I can’t believe he never acted on it.”
Our eyes meet. CC’s adult experience causes her to have a flashback through time, a review of her childhood memories with the valuable context of her grownup experiences to recontextualize what happened.
“Wait,” CC says, her gaze narrowing. “Did you…”
I bite my lip. Even that gives away too much. CC sets her cards down and clamps her hand over her mouth to stop herself from screaming. When she pulls her hands away from her mouth, she shakes her head in disbelief.
“This is a sign,” she says.
“Of what?”
CC pulls a card from the top of the deck. She gasps again.
“It’s a girl.”
“What?”
“It’s a girl,” she says. Then CC looks up at me with her emotional eyes. I don’t know if I believe her divination. There’s a deep intuitive feeling I get that she’s correct, but it’s not scientific at all. And maybe it’s just CC’s unnerving stare.
