Page 42 of Served
I looked over and saw Jason rub his beard and tilted his head down. It seemed like something was wrong. I walked to him and reached for his arm, but he pulled it away and stood with hands at his hips.
“Jason, what’s wrong?”
He clenched his jaw for a moment before he finally started, “Listen, I know this day is hard for you, but that’s why I want to be there.” He paused briefly, shifting his weight to his other hip. “But you never let me. It’s always the same. You don’t want me there in the real times, you always choose Amy.”
Confusion and a bit of anger started to bubble in me.
“Amy is my best friend, that’s not fair. And this isn’t even about her. Her dad said you shouldn’t be there. It could hurt both our cases.”
“I love that you have Amy. And you’re right, it’s not about her. It’s aboutyoualways choosing her and never me.”
“What does that even mean? Have I not been with you almost every waking second since that night?” My pitch was getting higher. “What is wrong with you?” Pressure was building behind my eyes. Something in his tone and his body language was telling me this conversation was going in a bad direction fast.
He crossed his arms across his chest and practically glared at me.
“Lucy, I told you I couldn’t be a crutch for you. Yeah, we’ve been together. But sex and intimacy are not the same. You still always choose her for the important stuff. You took her to file the report, you told me she’s your person and haha, ‘no competition.’ And now you won’t even let me drive you to the courthouse? Did you even really want me around or were you just waiting until he was put away?”
Even though I tried to hold them back, tears were filling my eyes and my bottom lip started quivering so I bit down on it trying to make it all stop.
“So, I’m right? That’s why have nothing to say to me,” he said as a scowl formed on his face.
I had to let the tears flow so I could say something.
I stammered out between crying, “Jason, why are you doing this? You’re not a crutch. I’m going through something, and I don’t know the right way to act. I didn’t mean to push you away. I just wanted my friend and to do what her dad said. But that doesn’t mean I don’t need you.” I stared at him through my tears and crossed my arms, holding opposite shoulders, as I tried to hold my breath to keep from convulsing from sobs.
He was looking at his feet but finally looked up at me. He walked to me and reached his hand to my face.
His voice was calm and low as he spoke, “Lucy, I have wanted you for so long. And so badly that even though I knew the timing was bad I went along with it because of whatyousaid. Because of whatyoudid. But maybe it was a mistake.”
“Jason, I need you. This wasn’t a mistake. Why are you saying this?” I managed to say through sobs.
“That’s the difference between us. I want you, but you just think you need me. I rearranged my life for you.”
“Yeah, and I didn’t ask you to do that.” I heard the harsh words leave my mouth, yet I didn’t try to take them back. It came out completely wrong, but it was done. I knew even if I tried, it couldn’t be erased. Suddenly an invisible vice grip was clamping around my rib cage, and I could hardly pull any breath in as my lips trembled.
His face looked the way it did the first time I put my hand up to it that night, twisted in pain. He stroked my cheek with his thumb and his eyes began to look glassy and his jaw was clenched. He leaned to me and kissed my forehead then turned toward the door.
I stood frozen but managed to whisper his name, “Jason.”
He stopped briefly but didn’t turn back and instead closed my door as he walked out. Then I heard the front door open and close.
I stood watching my door for several minutes. I kept waiting for him to run back in and scoop me up off the floor or even just wrap his big arms around me and kiss the sense out of me. But he didn’t. I stood there waiting as tears streamed down my face burning my eyes.
Several more minutes passed and there was a knock on my bedroom door, but Amy spoke through, “Hey, we need to get going. You about ready?”
“Um, give me a minute, almost done.” I finally moved my feet and went back to bathroom. My face was a mess. As I tried to catch my breath and keep my shoulders from jumping, I rubbed what I could off and dabbed some powder on. My eyes were red and puffy, but why wouldn’t they be today? I don’t even know what the hell just happened, but it didn’t seem real. It couldn’t be. Did I imagine all of that? Amy knocked again so I grabbed my bag and opened my door.
“I’m ready, let’s go.”
“You’re not wearing the suit today?” Amy asked as I flew out of my bedroom.
“No time to change, I forgot. Let’s go.”
We took Amy’s car, and it was a quiet ride over. She reached over and grabbed my hand and held it almost the whole way. Not long before we made it to the square she finally spoke up.
“It’s gonna be okay. Let’s just get through today and see what happens.” I nodded my head and after she found a parking spot nearby, we both got out and headed to the courthouse. She grabbed my hand again as we walked up the huge staircase.
“Sorry Jason can’t be here, but Dad said it was best.”
