Page 53 of Served
I ran the water and plugged up the tub then checked under the counter for the bubble bath. I couldn’t help but roll my eyes when I saw the scent was vanilla. But I must be a masochist because I pulled it out and added a capful to the tub.
I sat in the steamy bath for a while enveloped in the vanilla fragrance. The hot water felt great against the aching of my muscles but did nothing to quell the internal ache that kept striking me. Reminders of him were everywhere. Instead of trying to ignore them I became absorbed in them. If I couldn’t have him with me, at least I could wallow in the memory of him, even if it hurt. It was better than not feeling at all.
I thought back as far as I could remember and didn’t recall this feeling. I had felt lonely, even sad, although I usually did the walking away. When you get used to having someone around to share a bed, even if for cuddling, it’s never fun when that ends. But this was something else. This wasn’t loneliness. And it was more than sadness. The lifeforce was being sucked from me every time I had a memory pop up, smelled a familiar smell, heard a sound that reminded me of something we had done together. It had caused the ache in my muscles. As if losing him physically drained me causing my muscles to work overtime to push me through the days. I had always heard the term heartbreak, but it wasn’t my heart that felt broken, it was my entire being.
But after nothing from him in days I had taken a chance and text him; obviously it was too little, too late. This feeling was becoming too much to bear as I started thinking of how he hadn’t replied. Not even to say to leave him alone. I pulled the plug from the tub and dried off before getting dressed.
It was quiet when I left the bathroom, so Ann was still out. I went to the guest room and plopped on the bed. I went to reach for my phone on the charger but saw the pen and paper sitting there. I sat up, grabbed it, and looked around for something to bear down on. There were a few books stacked on the chest of drawers for decoration, so I grabbed one and sat back on the bed.
Slowly words were coming to me. Maybe I could get my feelings into a song. It had always helped me through hard times before. I had never written any intense love, or ache, songs, but there’s a first for everything. Maybe I could transfer some of the pain to paper.
I sat for a while jotting down ideas and words when I heard the door open. I went downstairs to help Ann get groceries inside.
“Wow, do you think I’m an alcoholic?” I asked when I saw she had gotten two cases of Blue Moon.
She laughed awkwardly, “I guess I got carried away at the idea of beer and pizza! But what we don’t drink while you’re here we can always finish later.”
We finished bringing everything inside and she put the beer into a cooler and dumped a bag of ice over them as I helped put the groceries in the fridge and pantry.
“Whatcha been up to while I was out?” she asked.
“I had a long bath and sat down to write a little.”
Ann stopped putting things away and looked at me with wide eyes.
“I thought you hadn’t been writing lately?” She then continued with the groceries.
“I guess I got inspired.”
She stopped and walked to me and grabbed my shoulders loosely.
“Do you need to talk? I don’t know much about music but most of the good songs are on the heels of something bad.” She rubbed my shoulders lightly as she continued, “But I don’t imagine you’d write about what happened so is there something else going on?”
I sucked in a breath as I started to tell her about Jason, but then something told me not to, so I just shook my head and forced a smile. Her face told me I wasn’t fooling her, but she didn’t push the issue and went back to putting away the last bit of groceries.
“The kids have karate after school. You wanna come along or hang here?”
“That actually sounds fun, can we watch the class?”
She nodded. “Yeah, they have some chairs and these huge windows so parents, or aunts, can stay and watch. I know they’d love it. I’ll fix us some lunch then we can go grab them and head over.”
After another simple but amazing meal of sub sandwiches Ann whipped up for us, we went to pick up the kids from school and headed to their karate dojo. They were excited for me to watch their moves. They were normal little kids on the ride over but once they changed into their Gi and crossed into the training area, they were serious little karate students.
Most of the parents were checking their phones and talking to each other but I was enamored with the kids. The instructor spoke to them as if they were grown and they acted in kind, all moving in unison at each command. Ann was watching with me.
“Do you normally stay to watch?” I asked.
“If you mean do I sit on my phone usually, I’ll say not always.” She laughed gently. “They do this twice a week every week. I watch most of it, but sometimes do find myself in conversation with another parent or checking my phone. But never when it’s testing day.”
I reached my hand out and told her, “I didn’t mean to imply anything. I don’t have any kids, but I imagine it can get mundane sometimes. I’m just the cool aunt that rides into town occasionally.”
“I know you didn’t, but you should know moms feel guilty about everything whether anyone says anything or not.” She smiled and patted my hand.
Ann kept dropping truth bombs on me that I needed to hear. How the hell have I made it this far in life? I never would intentionally guilt a mom or hurt someone, yet I seem to have been doing this all along. Somehow Amy never was bothered with my nonsense, but the past two days have opened my eyes to my own issues with everyone else.
“Have I always been this insufferable?”
Ann looked at me with her mouth hanging open and her eyes were soft.
