Page 29 of Saved
“Wait. Can you…never mind. Go grab dry clothes.” She put her bag on the stool next to her.
I stepped between her legs and grabbed her chin. “What were you gonna say, Jaz?”
She swallowed as her eyes searched my face. “Can you just hold me some more?”
I wasted no time wrapping my arms around her and breathing in her fruity scent. But that wasn’t close enough. With one hand still around her, I used the other to lift her from the stool then walked to the brown plush couch and I sat gently, leaning back and pulling her slight frame flush against me.
She wiggled until she was comfortable, then dropped her head to my shoulder and pressed her arms under mine, grabbing the back of my shoulders on either side.
Her breath was warm against my neck and her heartbeat gradually slowed against my chest. I held her tight, like it was the last time I ever might, hoping like hell it wouldn’t be.
“I missed this. I missed you,” she said in a muffled voice against my neck.
“Jasper, I’ve waited so long to hold you like this. I didn’t know if I ever would again.” The admission sent fresh tears to my eyes, and I swallowed hard, trying to fight them away.
“Mike, please don’t cry. I’m so sorry.” She squeezed tighter.
I did the same, hoping I wouldn’t crush the life from her. “Shh, you’re with me now and that’s all that matters. That’s all that matters.”
We quietly cried together for several minutes. Eventually we both stopped, and her breathing became steady and light. I rubbed my hands lightly over her back. “Hey,” I whispered in her ear. “We don’t need to sleep in wet clothes. Let me go find you something dry.”
She sat up and pressed her lips lightly to mine. “We could just lose them altogether.”
I was already at half-mast as she sat in my lap, but her words pushed me to full sails. “Jaz, we don’t have to rush. It’s okay.” I looked over her face as I tucked some wet curls behind her ear. “I’m just happy to have you with me.”
Sitting up straighter, she grabbed the hem of her shirt and pulled it up over her head then tossed it to the floor. “Mike, I need to feel something other than numb. I’ve been numb for so long. Please.”
Chapter 13
Jaz
Waiting for him to say something,dosomething, was agony. But I said what I meant. I had been numb and faking it for so long, I needed to feel something. I needed to feel everything. I was already feeling all the emotions all at once–scared of what he’d say, nervous of how it would be, happy to be sitting there with him, sad for what I robbed from us both, but hopeful for what may be. I wanted to feel something physically, too. With him.
His eyes roved over me slowly as my chest heaved.
“Mike, please.” I was practically begging.
His hands moved from my wet jean-clad thighs up my sides. The muscle in his jaw twitched under the short beard. “You’re as soft as I remember.” His hands stopped. “I–are you sure? Because I need you to know, if we do this, no games. No running.” He leaned closer to me, staring into my eyes. “I want you to be mine, Jasper. My heart can’t take losing you again.”
My heart broke at his words. I did this to him. I put that pitiful look on his face. I put the insecurity into his words. “I hate myself for what I did to you.” I couldn’t keep the tears from falling. My hands covered my face. I couldn’t look at him and I didn’t want him to see me that way.
Instead of moving my hands, he wrapped his arms around me and pulled me close again as I sobbed into my hands. He rocked me gently as I finally pressed my face into his shoulder and dropped my hands to his chest. “I think I need to find you a dry shirt,” he whispered into my ear.
I nodded as my sobs subsided again and slid from his lap onto the couch. He pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and draped it over me before he walked to his bedroom. My mind raced as he searched for something for me to put on.I needed to tell him. He may not feel the same if he knew. But could I move forward with him without telling him? Would he let it go? Or would he ask what happened?
I didn’t have much time at all to figure anything out when he came back with a large black t-shirt, and he had changed into a fresh white t-shirt and plaid lounge pants. “I thought about some pajama bottoms but honestly, mine would swallow you up and this t-shirt will be long if you want to take those jeans off.” He handed me the shirt and stepped back. “You can go to the bathroom or my room, if you want to change. Or I can go in there and you can put that on in here.”
The blanket was pulled up to my underarms and honestly, he had just seen my bra-clad body, so I pulled the shirt over my head. He turned before I could thread my arms through, but the chivalry made me chuckle. I slipped the jeans off below the blanket then grabbed them from the floor and draped them and my crumpled shirt from the floor over the side of the sofa. “I’m decent.”
He turned and nervously rubbed his hands together. “Can I get you something? Water? Food? I have some Rocky Road…”
“Maybe I should go.”
He rubbed his hand down his face and blew out an exaggerated breath. He came closer to the sofa again and kneeled down in front of me. “I will respect whatever you want, Jaz. But I was right. You want to be with me just as much as I want to be with you. Whatever happened when we were kids doesn’t matter now. And if I did something to push you away, I will spend forever making up for it. Just, please don’t run away again.”
“Mike, I–”
“Wedon’thave to sleep together. And you can go home tonight if you want to, but please,” he begged as he took my hand into his. “Please give us this chance.”
