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As we went on with the day, my mind was elsewhere. Dr. Han seemed to be sticking close to me, which I appreciated. Seems we both needed a friend. And I liked that I didn’t have to mask for her. She didn’t know me outside of this hospital, so she didn’t knowthat‘Jaz.’ Plus, she was very intelligent, so I was learning as much from her as I was the resident training us.
She must have sensed my split focus because she nudged me several times during patient briefings. It didn’t help that Mike was on the same floor, so I periodically saw him walking from room to room or chatting in the hall with Randy.
It seemed like every time I started to get back on track with my thoughts, he’d show up and shoot me a wink. Why did he have to be so perfect?
Dr. Han’s words kept ringing in my ears.
I felt guilty.
And she was right. Eventually it would all come out. I just didn’t know if I could bring it up. Part of me wanted to keep ignoring the problem, but I was also disregarding that no matter how hard I tried to ignore it, it was there, just under the surface. I was never going to be completely comfortable and relaxed until I got it out, but I also wondered if that was selfish.
Would I tell him just to make myself feel better? To get that weight off my chest? What would it do to him? Should I just keep plugging along and hope he never brings it up?
I didn’t want to hurt him, and at this point, it seemed that it would do nothing to change anything. The damage was done. We were moving forward. He hadn’t brought it up.
So why was it bothering me so much?
Chapter 16
Mike
The last week dragged by. My schedule had been much different than Jaz’s, so we had less time together. We took advantage of every opportunity we had, but it was a stark contrast to the first couple of weeks we reconnected. We had been on the same work schedule, so we literally were together all the time, at work or at home. Now it was sporadic when we were able to see each other.
I did get back on track with working out, though. When we shared a schedule, I refused to miss any time with her. As I repped out my curls with the free weights in the complex’s gym, I considered how terrible that seemed. I was still nervous she’d up and leave. Although I wasn’t heading across the country, either.
Even though I tried not to let it bother me, I still wondered several times what happened before. Part of me didn’t want to know. I couldn't imagine her with another man, but I also didn’t want to learn I had been a fool.
Still, outside of that, I couldn’t figure out what would have driven her to shut me out the way she did. The memory of her leaving then ignoring me wouldn’t go away.
No.
It’s best I didn’t bring it up. She said she didn’t want to talk about it, and she must have a good reason. Things were going well now, and I didn’t want to screw it up.
Except…
A small nagging feeling in the back of mind kept me wondering if it was that easy for her to leave before, what would stop her from doing it again?
Looking at my watch, I decided I needed some bro therapy. I grabbed my cell from my bag after I drank some water.
Me: Hey man, wanna grab a beer in a bit?
Jason: Sure, when? At the club?
Me: Can we go grab some food somewhere?
Jason: Sure, let me clear it with Lucy and I’ll text you back.
I waited several minutes and then my phone chimed.
Jason: Hey, all fine. How about that pizza place on 10th? 7 good?
Me: Sounds good. See ya then.
Seven was a couple hours away, so I finished out my set and then went back to the apartment to shower.
“Hey, bro!” Onyx called from her car as I headed up the sidewalk.
“Hey, sis. You’re home early.”
