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He was right. I stole those years from us. Years we would never get back. Years of him thinking he did something wrong. The fact that he only wondered what it was thathedid spoke volumes to his trust and faith in me. Yet, I didn’t trust him to make the right decision.Whatever that is, anyway.Would it have been so terrible if he quit the huge college? He was doing fine in community college. I was on track to go to med school. So, it would have been tight for a few years? But he would have done anything to make sure we were taken care of.
I had been so worried about being responsible for him possibly throwing away such an amazing opportunity that I’d let it cloud my judgment and take any part of the decision away from him. We had always been a partnership, a team. But we were young and had the world ahead of us. Still, I’d been wrong, and he had every right to be upset.Why wasn’t he mad?Why didn’t he just explode?
Why did he have to be so…him?
When I woke up, he was already gone for work. The coffee pot was still on, and half a carafe was there. A note was on the counter.
Went to work. I need to process this. I hope you understand.
Mike
He left a breakfast bar on the note. Even upset, he was taking care of me. New tears squeezed from the corners of my eyes. Had I lost him? What was he thinking? It was more than fair for him to need some space and time, but now I was the one left to wonder.
I suppose I deserve it.
The thought of eating made my stomach turn, but I took the bar from the counter, threw on some clothes, then headed to my apartment.
“Hey, sis, I feel like death. How you holding up?” Onyx called from the sofa. She was bundled up in a fuzzy blanket with a giant coffee mug and a large tumbler on the end table.
I poured some coffee and went to plop down next to her. “I told him,” I said as I let my head fall to the back of the sofa.
She sighed then opened the blanket, inviting me in. I set my mug on the table and snuggled up next to her, tears falling before I was even wrapped in the blanket. “Let it out. No sense in being strong,” she said as she rubbed my back.
“I just couldn’t take it anymore. It was eating at me, and I knew it was bothering him.”
“You told him this morning?” she asked quietly.
I shook my head against her shoulder. “No. I blurted it out last night in bed. I was drunk and snippy, then I just couldn’t stand it and finally told him.” The fresh tears burned my already chapped cheeks.
“And you stayed there?”
Nodding, I told her, “He was so upset but not angry. I kept waiting for him to kick me out but instead he held me. I wish he would have just gotten mad and acted a fool.”
“I’m not surprised.”
“Me either. He’s the best man. Next to Dad of course.”
We both let out a small laugh. “Dad is great, for sure. I bet this’ll work out. You knew he’d be upset. And he has a right to be.”
I nodded and wiped my face. Inhaling deeply then blowing it out, I asked, “Do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”
Her hand stopped rubbing my back. “I don’t know for certain. Knowing him, I’d say he will.”
“He left a note saying he needs to process it. But for how long?” I sighed.
“Don’t get mad at me, but you put eight years between you. I’d say give the man all the time he needs. I think he’ll eventually come around.” She squeezed me then continued rubbing my back.
My chest tightened. What if he didn’t? What if Perky Pink Scrubs swoops in while he’s processing? What if this pushed him into the arms of someone else? Can a relationship recover from two violations of trust?
I lay there with Onyx for about an hour before she wanted up. “I need food and a shower. The alcohol is seeping from my pores, and I want it off.”
“Yeah, I need to shower and make sure I’m caught up on laundry. I have to work four in a row.”
We both got on with the day. I washed, dried, and hung up my scrubs, and did some cleaning between loads. My room wasn’t messy, but I rearranged things on the dresser, washed my makeup brushes, went through my makeup bag and tossed anything questionable. I had four mascaras I didn't even remember but the tops were crusty when I opened them, so I trashed them. Once I organized and tidied my bathroom, I headed to the kitchen and opened the pantry.
Sitting on the floor, I had filled a whole trash bag when Onyx stepped over me to get to the fridge. “Sis, how do you have so much energy?”
I shrugged. “I don’t. This stuff just needs to be done.”
