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“Wow. Jaz was always so direct. And responsible. I can’t believe she didn’t just tell you.”
“Well, apparently at the time she felt theresponsiblething was to keep me in the dark so I could finish school.”
“Ah. I see.”
“Do you?” I asked. “Because I don’t get it. She should have told me.”
He leaned up and rested his forearms on the table. “Why? It wouldn’t change the outcome.”
“No. But if she told me maybe we wouldn’t have lost all this time. And there wouldn’t have been this distance between us when I got back.”
Jason nodded. “Maybe, but you don’t know that.”
“Still, she left me instead of just telling me. If she didn’t want to tell me okay, maybe it wouldn’t have changed anything. But she broke my heart, Jason. I thought I did something wrong,” I said as I patted my chest. “Or maybe she woke up and realized she didn’t want a jock for a boyfriend or something. I was left wondering all this time. How would you feel?”
Jason shrugged. “I don’t know, man. I really don’t know. But you remember what it’s like being twenty. I swear we all grew up so much just in the last ten years. It seems so long ago.” He locked eyes with me. “Let me ask you this. You gonna let this ruin it now?”
I blew out a breath through puffed cheeks. “I don’t know. I just, I feel crushed all over again. All this time. All this wondering.” I waved my arms. “Over something that didn’t even change anything.”
“You don’t know that it wouldn't have any more than she knows whether it was the right or wrong thing to do. She low-key has control issues.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. She sort of did. It was subtle but she definitely had to be the decision maker and the one in charge. It came off as a busy body to some, but it was really her need to have control in every situation.
“Listen, I can’t tell you what to do. But you were pretty intent on getting back with her. And you did. I know it hurts, but does it hurt worse than not being with her?”
I raised an eyebrow at Jason. “When did you get so deep?”
“What can I say. Lucy brought out the mushy side.” He leaned in closer. “That stays between us.” He cleared his throat loud and heartily as he sat back, looking aloof. “So, seriously? What’s your plan?”
Sighing, I answered, “I can’t lose her again.”
“Well, there ya have it.” He smacked his knee. “Alright, man. I need to go check on some things, and I feel bad your buddy’s been wandering around aimlessly. But thanks.”
I looked at him as he stood. “Thanks for getting my heart broken?”
“No. I’m sorry about that. Thanks for telling me first.”
“Wouldn’t be right any other way.” I caught Randy’s attention and waved him back over. Jason gave him a friendly pat on the shoulder as he walked past.
Randy settled back into his seat. “Nice place. The women are all very friendly.”
“That’s because you look like a male model.”
“Stop, I’m blushing.” He looked around and sighed. “Too bad no cute boys hit on me. The fella at the bar is cute, but I’m pretty sure he’s straight.”
“I think so, but I could be wrong. Want me to ask?”
Randy waved me off and tipped his beer up, drinking the rest. “Refreshing. Well, feel better?”
“Actually, I do a little. Thanks.”
“Oh, here,” he said as he pulled some cash out. “They said it was taken care of, but I at least need to leave a tip.”
“Jason’s good about that with friends.”
“Ah, special treatment. I love it. I’ll stick with you, friend. Who needs a lover anyway when you can get free booze?”
I shook my head as I laughed. Randy patted my shoulder before he left, and I nursed the rest of my beer.
