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She turned, holding the wooden spoon in the pot as she looked at me. “Wanna talk about it?”
I ran my pointer finger over the designs of the placemat and shrugged.
Pulling the spoon from the pot, she tapped it on the edge then laid it across the rim before sitting in the chair next to me. “Jaz, I know you’re an adult now but that doesn’t mean you can’t talk to me.” She grabbed my hand and smiled warmly. “I miss those days, you know?”
I used to tell Mom a lot. She was privy to so much of my life until college. I never outwardly admitted I was having sex or anything, but our discussions probably tipped her off. She knew who I was with, where I was, and what was happening. She knew if I had a fight with Mike or a friend, and usually helped me realize how small the issue was. When I went to college it was the same at first, but after everything happened, she only knew bits and pieces. I missed the talks, too. Honestly, I missed a lot about myself before everything changed.
“Mom, I messed up something.”
She squeezed my hand. “Surely you can fix it. Maybe I can help?” Her deep brown eyes searched my face as she patiently waited for a response.
Looking down, I drew in a deep breath, then blew it out. “I did something horrible to Mike, and I can’t blame him if he can never forgive me. But I’m scared I can’t get over him again. It was so hard last time.”
She patted my hand, then leaned back in her seat. “I find it hard to believe you did anythinghorrible. Is it too personal to tell me?” She leaned back in. “You didn’t…see another man after you were back together, did you?”
I threw my hands up. “Why does everyone assume that?”
She put her palms up. “Sorry, honey. You said it was horrible. That’s something a lot of people have a hard time getting past is all. It’s hard to give insight if I don’t know what happened.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry. But I would never do that. To him, or anyone if there was anyone else.”
“Correct me if I’m wrong, there hasn’t been anyone else. Not anyone serious enough for you to tell me or Onyx about anyway.”
I shook my head. “No. School was hard. I didn’t have time for that.”
She settled back against the chair again, crossing her arms over her chest. “You would’ve made time for Mike.”
“Well, he was gone, wasn’t he?” I clasped my hands under the table in my lap.
“Jazzy, I thought you were past all that? Surelynowyou can see why he left? I still don’t understand what happened. You both had so many plans once he graduated–”
“Yeah, well, we were kids. Things change.”
“They do. And people grow. Which is what I thought was happening.”
I swallowed hard. “It was. We were doing good. But I screwed it up and now I don’t know if we can ever get back to a good place.”
“Did you end it with him?” she asked.
I shook my head again. “No.”
“Did he end it with you then?”
“No, I don’t think so.”
She leaned forward and grabbed my hand from my lap. “It seems that you’re just having a fight, and that doesn’t mean anything is over. Your father and I fight sometimes, but we’re still here. We’re still happy. Maybe he just needs to blow off some steam, so he doesn’t say something he doesn’t mean.”
I squeezed her hand. “You’re right. I can’t expect him to act like nothing's wrong.” I looked up at her. “But how long do I give him?”
Mom shrugged. “Until he’s ready to talk. Or until you’re ready to grovel.”
I pursed my lips.Would I have to grovel?Considering how I would even go about that my thought was broken up by the text alert from my phone.
Lucy: Hey, can you talk?
“Mom, let me step outside and call Lucy back.”
She patted my hand again then went back to the stove. “This is done. We’ll eat once you’re finished.”
