Page 92 of Falling into Place
How could he when he didn’t even know what he wanted or what he was ready for? He was completely enamored with Carly and wanted to be with her, but there were qualifiers. He wanted to have dinner and go on walks and grab coffee with her, but he couldn’t tell her how dark his thoughts had become in that year after his mom died. He wanted her beside him when he woke up in the morning and he wanted to talk to her about his ideas for a garden next season and maybe taking a ski trip come winter, but he still preferred to go home alone to decompress after a hard time at work. He didn’t want her to see the rough, damaged parts because she made him feel lighter than he had in years, and she made him happy.
He wanted to stay there.
And he wanted to make her feel the same. Show her how much he cared about her, admired her, and wanted her. Why would he want to bring her down with things like death and regret that plagued him on a regular basis?
He left Macy’s that evening feeling more confused than when he’d arrived, wondering how on earth he could get his shit together beforeCarly gave up on him. They said time healed all wounds, but it had been seventeen damned years and he was still here, so.
Carly had been at an employee-only Mode get-together that evening and had come over after it ended, and he’d considered bringing up his conversation with his sister. Maybe asking what she thought about it all or telling her about Nikki and Schwartz Rounds and how he wondered if there was something wrong with him because despite it being one of the highest-attended conferences in the health system, he had no desire to go. That would be a step in the right direction, right?
But when she arrived and immediately put her hands on him, he’d realized she was interested in spending the night pursuing other endeavors. He considered when he might bring it up again as they stumbled into his bedroom, but his attention was quickly diverted and everything but Carly faded into darkness.
“Dude. You look high.”
Brooks couldn’t even think of a witty reply, so he just grinned. “Maybe I am. Think they’ll fire me?”
James laughed. “Hell, no. You’re the only one willing to take call all the time. And we both know you’re clean as a whistle. That’s love I see in your eye, you son of a bitch.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” Brooks laughed. “But I have had a pretty great few days.”
The understatement of the decade. The last five days had been phenomenal. He’d probably smiled, laughed, and talked more than in the last few years combined. The sex was pretty great, too.
He’d never had both with the same woman before.
“Does that mean you’re done with the whole public-dating thing?”
“Don’t tell me you actually followed that.”
James looked appalled. “Of course I followed it. Entertaining as hell, tell Sasha I said well done. You, on the other hand, are lucky you actually found someone. You were a disaster.”
Brooks had the urge to throw his coffee at his friend, but they were in the public cafeteria and two doctors going at it probably wouldn’t be great PR. Although, it was five thirty in the morning and there was hardly anyone around ...
“Seriously, tell me about her. I’ve been waiting for this moment.”
“Stop acting like you weren’t in the same boat a few months ago,” Brooks said.
“I’m not. But when it feels right, you just know, and that’s how it is with Aly. Even if we’ve only been together a few months, it feels like I’ve known her all my life. I can’t imagine my life without her. I want that for you, man.”
“Easy,” Brooks said. “It’s way too early for all that.”
“I knew on my second date with Aly.”
Brooks glanced down at his coffee and wrapped both hands around the warm cup. He opened his mouth to admit to his best friend just how ridiculously into Carly Porter he was, but the shrill beep of his pager cut him off. He bent over his waist to check the number. A single, meaningful look passed between them as Brooks stood.
James waved him off. “We’ll talk later.”
Brooks dialed the back line to the ER attending physician as he walked quickly down the hall. Sanjay answered on the second ring. “Hey, sorry to bother you but your fellow’s tied up and they said you were around to take call.”
“No problem. What’s up?”
“Nasty MVA. Single-vehicle accident with all this rain. Two adults in the car, one pronounced dead at the scene. The other’s intubated and stable for now. CT showed ...”
Brooks saw all sorts of traumatic injuries, most of which he could handle with professional objectivity. Occasionally, though, a caraccident would sound so similar to what happened all those years ago, being involved in the case caused a visceral reaction.
Single-vehicle accident in the rain.
Pronounced dead at the scene.
Sanjay listed known injuries and described all measures taken so far in the ER. Brooks lost his breath for a split second but regained it when he passed the familiar signage directing him to 3W ICU. He couldn’t think about the similarities or the way he’d vomited all over the police officer who’d showed up that night to give his family the news. He couldn’t think about the funeral or the fact that he couldn’t remember the last thing he’d said to his mom because he’d had no idea that’s what it’d be.
