Page 94 of Falling into Place
“Brooks!” Jeff shrieked in the background. “Get in here!”
Carly laughed. “You’d better go.”
Brooks’s voice was muffled as he yelled back, “I’m coming, man.” Then, in a clear whisper into the phone, “This was a mistake.”
“Yes, it was.”
“See you soon.”
Brooks arrived an hour later.
“Did you win?” she asked as they settled on the couch.
He extended his arm across the back. “Nope.”
“I’m sorry.”
He smiled. “I don’t care. I doubt Jeff will ever ask me to come again, though. I think my performance that first time set up unrealistic expectations and he thought I’d be more helpful.”
“Rookie mistake,” she teased.
“Right?” His attention was diverted when Pepper entered the room, and he leaned over to scratch him.
“You don’t do that often,” she stated. “Go out with people you don’t know very well.”
“You mean when I’m not being dragged by my sister? True. But I actually had fun. Maybe the whole magazine thing was good for me.”
She cleared her throat, and he grinned at her.
“In more ways than one.” He leaned forward and propped his forearms on his knees, his hands extended. He looked down. “I’m sorry I’ve been a little MIA.”
“Don’t apologize.” She put her hand on his back. “I’m sorry work was tough. Do you want to talk about it?”
“Not really.” She felt his heavy sigh through her fingers. “But maybe I should.”
She wanted to scoot over and wrap her arms around him. Instead, she remained where she was, listening and waiting, with her hand on his back. Giving him space but letting him know she was here.
“There’s this seventeen-year-old kid. His parents were in a car accident. His mom didn’t make it and his dad is on a vent in the ICU.” His head dropped lower and he pressed his thumbs against the bridge of his nose, closing his eyes. “It’s still touch-and-go for his dad right now. I had to tell him that, and to try to explain the injuries and what we were doing to try to help him. And the whole time I was talking it was just ...” He trailed off and took a few long inhales. Carly’s heart hurt for the kid and for Brooks, her throat tightening with each breath.
His voice shook a little when he spoke again. “It felt like I was looking at myself. And part of me knew I was in a unique position to be there for this kid. I mean, I’ve literally been in his shoes and I know the gut-wrenching agony he’s feeling, and yet all I could do was stand there, several feet away, talking in some robotic voice like I didn’t feel every word like barbed wire straight to my gut.” He turned his face away. “When he started crying, I left. I fucking left, Carly. I called pastoral care to send someone to talk to him.”
Tears burned beneath her eyelids. She wished with everything in her she knew what to say, but she didn’t. She moved closer and wrapped her arms around him, resting her chin on his shoulder. She slid her palm across his cheek and turned his face to look at her, their noses touching. His eyes were sad but dry, reflecting a pain deeper than words could heal. “I’m so, so sorry.”
“What’s wrong with me?” he whispered.
She kissed the corner of his mouth. “Nothing. You’re a human who was put in an impossible situation. I can’t even imagine how hard that was for you. And you didn’t leave him alone, you made sure someone better qualifiedfor things like that took care of him. It’s not your job to carry a burden that heavy on your own. You’re a great doctor and an even better man.”
He covered her hand with his and they sat like that for a long moment, breathing steadily. She pulled him closer and ran her fingers through his hair, then did it again. After a few minutes he hummed in pleasure. “That feels nice.”
“Sometimes when I was a kid my mom used to stroke my hair when I was sick or upset about something. I don’t know why, but it always made me feel better.”
He considered that for a moment, leaning heavily into her. “It reminds me I’m not alone.”
“You’re not. I’m glad you told me what happened.”
He was silent for so long she didn’t think he’d reply, but then he said, “I don’t deserve you.”
“Are you kidding? You’re the one out there saving lives.”
