Page 10 of Warrior Queen
“I could take Merlin,” I said. “If you order him to escort me, it might give me chance to talk to him. He can hardly slope off to his house if he has to ride by my side there and back.” I grinned. “I’ll make him talk.”
Arthur’s eyes lit up. “A clever idea. I should have known you weren’t offering to go just to see the boy. It’s a long enough ride to get even Merlin to open up to you.”
I sighed, but didn’t put Arthur right. As far as I was concerned the reason for my trip was Gildas, not Merlin, although the fact that I could get the latter to myself was an added bonus. “I’ll go tomorrow,” I said.
Chapter Four
Accompanied by theeight warriors who were to keep me safe on my journey to Ynys Witrin, I rode Alezan down the steep cobbled track that circled Din Cadan. Just ahead of me, Merlin sat astride his horse, head down, lost in a world of his own. Somehow, I’d have to persuade him to talk once we reached level ground.
Easier said than done. As the road wound between the farmsteads that dotted the plain below the fortress, I edged Alezan up beside Merlin’s horse, a bay mare he’d been randomly allotted from the stables. His own horse had been killed under him beyond the Wall, and as yet he’d not bothered to take the time to choose another.
Maybe he’d not had the heart to. Losing your horse was like losing a friend, even in my old world, so here, where horses were such an integral part of the life of a warrior, it was ten times worse. He’d been riding whatever was available, often not the best of mounts.
Alezan, ever mareish and contrary, laid her ears back at the little bay, who did the same back to her. Annoyed, I tightened my reins and pushed her closer in until my knees knocked Merlin’s. He kept his head turned away, whether on purpose or because he simply hadn’t noticed my proximity, I couldn’t tell.
A young dog, scarcely out of gangly puppyhood, ran across the road ahead of us, pursued by two laughing little boys.
I touched my fingers to Merlin’s knee.
He didn’t turn his head, but his knuckles whitened on the reins.
“Merlin?”
Alezan took another sideways swipe at his horse, and I had to yank on my reins one-handed to stop her. Merlin still didn’t turn his head.
I tapped his knee. “Look at me. Please.”
His shoulders stiffened, but he did as I asked. Always a spare man, slighter than most of the warriors, now his face betrayed how much weight he’d lost. Dark circles shadowed his eyes, and although the bruises had gone, his cheeks had that hollow, undernourished look I’d seen in the beggar children of Caer Baddan.
I smiled– a forced, false smile.
He regarded me out of eyes that held pools of sadness, red-rimmed from lack of sleep. Several days’ stubble shadowed his jawline, and his hair hung limp and untended. For once, he looked much closer to his true age– far older than Arthur and me. Perhaps in his depression, the magic I suspected he’d channeled to preserve his youth no longer worked. Or perhaps he’d only done it because of his unrequited love for Morgana, and now, after what she’d done to him, he no longer cared to appear that way.
My attempts to console Ummidia after she and her daughters, Albina and Cloelia, had been raped leapt into my mind. I’d been so useless, she’d gone on to slit her own and her daughters’ wrists in the bath house of the villa where we’d taken shelter. I’d have to tread very carefully with Merlin.
A wagon loaded with sheaves of corn creaked past us, drawn by a pair of sturdy oxen with two men walking by their heads. The men tugged their forelocks in respect, and I nodded in return. In the fields to either side, small birds fluttered– corn buntings, finches, linnets– gleaning the corn left behind when the stooks were gathered in. A flight of swallows swooped down after the insects disturbed by all the activity on the ground.
Where to start? With practicalities. “You look thin. Thinner than usual, that is. Have you been eating properly? We haven’t seen you in the Great Hall for weeks.”
His sad eyes wandered over my shoulder, staring at nothing, most likely.
I squeezed his knee. “We all care very much about you, you know. We hate to see you like this.” Why did everything coming out of my mouth sound like meaningless platitudes?
His gaze returned to me. “You don’t feel the need to gloat that you were right?” The bitterness in his voice shocked me.
I shook my head. “I wish I hadn’t been. I wish she’d really loved you.”
He sucked in his lips, compressing them. “But youwereright, and I was wrong. You’d think with my gifts I’d have seen it coming, wouldn’t you? But I didn’t.”
Alezan tossed her head at the swarming flies. I patted her shoulder. “Love blinded you. It numbed your senses and stopped you seeing what I saw.”
He tilted his head to one side, narrowing his eyes. “You think? How perceptive of you. I’d never have worked that one out for myself.”
Ignoring his sarcasm, I touched his shoulder in what I hoped was a comforting gesture. “I want to help you. Just let me in, and I’ll do my best. You need someone to talk to. Talking is the best way forward.”
His lip curled in a sneer. “Is that what you do in your world? Talk about everything? Does it make everything better? Does it make the pain go away?” He shook my hand off. “If I talk to you, will everything that happened just disappear?”
Well, at least hewastalking, even though he didn’t seem to think he was.
